January 28, 2007

Some News, Some Bakwaas

A lot of weird stuff has been happening.

For example, yesterday (or was it day before?) the Bachchans went to a temple. Now, considering that they visit a temple (ANY temple) at least once a month, you'd think this doesn't really make news. Yeah, if AB Sr. had been an atheist so far, and suddenly walked barefoot to Siddhivinayak shouting "Jai Hanuman!" all the way, that'd be news. But really, for the family that makes it a point to go to temples all the time, I wouldn't say this was remarkable.

What the media was ACTUALLY going ballistic about was that there was some red stuff smeared on Aishwarya Rai's forehead. It's "sindoor in the maang," they declared. Oooooooh. How exciting.

Now assuming that it WAS "sindoor in the maang," what are they going to do? Or how is it going to matter? Farz kijiye that the shaadi is over. So what? Are you going to stand outside AB's bungalow at 5 a.m. tomorrow to congratulate the happy couple? And is AB Sr. your chacha that he's going to come out specially for you and say "Arre Bittoo," (for want of a better name) "thank you, thank you. Andar aa na!"

Why, oh why does the Times care if there was a dab of red on Ms. Rai's head? And even if it WAS sindoor, you've clearly missed the bus, na? That would mean that the wedding is over without any "exclusive" photographs or interviews to you. So why don't you shut up and print something that makes, umm, SENSE, rather than indulge in an analysis of what exactly the red stuff is.

Stuff going on in other parts of the world - Shilpa Shetty faces racist comments on Celebrity Big Brother. Okay, I agree, it's a rather horrible thing for anyone to go through. But why do P. Chidambaram, some ambassadors, the foreign minister and the Parliament have to get involved? At the end of the day, Celebrity Big Brother is best described as third-rate voyeurism at its worst. Why suspend talks on educational policy, crime, and infrastructure to dicuss what Jade Goody said to Shilpa Shetty yesterday? Chidambaram ji, don't worry. When Ms. Shetty steps out of that show tomorrow, she will have a few hundred thousand pounds already, and offers worth more in the week that follows. More compensation than a court would provide, I'm sure.

And more - BMC corporator elections are approaching. Thanks to the Mumbai Mirror lists (this newspaper DOES have a few good features! Kudos to the "Vote Mumbai" campaign), I now know who all are standing for election in my area. But I'm damned if I've ever heard of them before. And I promise you, I'm not one of those youngsters who spend the year only studying/playing/blaring loud music/watching 'Friends'/throwing 4-letter-words at all and sundry. Basically, I do have a bit of political awareness. But I haven't seen/heard about this guys EVER! Maybe I should stand for election, I'll have as good a chance of winning as the next guy, I suppose.

News channels, especially Hindi ones, have weird methods of breaking "sansani khez" news. (And just by the way, every time they say "sansani khez" I start seeing Kareena Kapoor wearing a wreath and dancing to "san-sanananana.") Anyway, they guy who's on the spot is usually as excited as Bush would be, had he found Osama. "Haan Kavita, main yahaan khada hoon. [Then to the viewer] Aap-jo-ab-dekhenge-isse-aapki-aankhen-khuli-ki-khuli-reh-jaayegi!!!" (breathless whisper that slowly escalates into a shout). Arre yaar, tu news bata raha hai yaa drugs bech raha hai?

Anyway, no more to write. If I try and cover ALL the C-grade news of the world, you'd feel as if you're reading another edition of the Times of India (Picture-less and colour-less though). So I'll stop now. Till next time, bye!

p.s. "India Poised"? What the...?!

4 comments:

Asterix said...

Good stuff as usual.

Asking TOI to print sensible stuff is like asking a school kid to talk about Quantum Mechanics.

And don't you even think about touching the "India Poised" campaign! Someday I plan to do an "exclusive" about it :)

Man! stuff like this makes me wish we had an Indian equivalent of South Park.

Chalo, I gotta go and give some advice to Shilpa now.

Bleue said...

TOI has lost it indeed, yesterday I woke up to look at Ash & AB Sr on the cover & yes, that note below the pic was quite a cracker:
..dashing hero smearing 'chutki bhar sindoor' in his lady love's 'maang'..
Shame shame media..lets leave the two of them alone ok!
But i love some of the sections in TOI, sunday times is neat stuff..however, 'Ash sets off red alert'..ermm, really now..
& the racism row; for pete's sake, its a game show & i see Tony Blair on the news speakin of Jade Goody & racism! Amusing! & Shilpa emerges winner (surprise surprise!) & is clueless abt wht had happened while she was in there.."she's not racist" shilpa declared & wrapped up many -a-controversy. Grapevine says Goody gonna come to India & Shilpa's dad has invited her home!
Sansani khez totally freaks me out too! Have you seen that guy on Aaj tak or sumthin? All tht over-animation & dramatisation by the anchor must be scaring the s*** outta the interviewees!
Anyway, long comment, this..
India Poised: Coming soon my friend, coming soon minus the crappy new truckloads of newspapers propogating 'news'. Haah!

cheers \m/, (+.+) ,\m/
ps: beer man is caught!

Arjun said...

hehehehehe... i totally agreee...

shilpa shitty waala really dint bother me... i personally thing it was a bloody c-grade setup.
and GOD KNOWS why chidambaram had to get involved... can't he spend quality time making a better budget, so theat i get less of my mom's cribbing ???

Arz000n said...

I miss that guy with "choti" who used to appear at like 11pm on STAR NEWs...


SAnnnaate ko cheerati hui kisi bhi waqt aapke ghar mein aa sakti hai SANSAAANIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

Man, I used to mimic him a lot and we guys used to purposely watch that show, as if, if we miss that show all of us would die the following morning...or realise that we have turned impotent or something :P

And yes...this Bachchan parivaar is fukat mein eating lot of footage on TV channel these days.....grrrrr...