March 31, 2007

News Snippets

Would recommend everyone read Barkha Dutt's column in Hindustan Times today on the whole reservation issue. Yeah, I know, the issue's been done to death, but this particular column is great.

(Opens in a new window... apparently my 12th standard education wasn't a complete waste!)

Meanwhile, our state, along with Gujarat, Karnataka and Kerala, has banned sex education on the grounds of "It is against Indian values." So Indian values apparently mean that 13-year-olds can continue visiting "sites" and getting misleading information from 14-year-olds, but will not be allowed to get correct and important information from a reliable source. Interesting.

[Do also read the entry below this one, it was posted just yesterday and I don't want it to suffer on the present one's account. :) ]

March 30, 2007

On the State of Newspapers, Yet Again...

I'm one of those people who love reading columns. I mean, the news interests me as well, but the columns fascinate me. Depending on their quality, they can convince you of either the superiority of the human race, or of the fact that we deserve to be wiped out from the face of the earth.

Subscribing to Hindustan Times and the Times of India, I get a pretty wide range of stuff.

TOI: I, the best newspaper in this country (to read my reports on myself, turn to page 3, 7, 9, 12, and 15), have Shashi Tharoor, Jug Suraiya, Bachi Karkaria!
HT: Save the twaddle. I have Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai, Karan Thapar, Vir Sanghvi. Hah!
TOI: Damn. You seem to have the upper hand right now. I must get Kim Sharma.
HT: I'm working to get Narayana Murthy too.
TOI: Crap! We just have to get Bappi Lahiri now!

No prizes for guessing which way I lean. When it comes to the main paper, I'm a Hindustan Times fan all the way. (Though, of course, Tharoor was a great acquisition for the Times.) But with the supplements, I'd say, it's anybody's game.

I mean, on one hand we have Bombay Times, Westside Plus, Mumbai Mirror, What's Hot, Buzz, Rouge and Life! (Have I missed out any?) On the other hand we have Cafe, Lives West, Splurge and Brunch.

On one hand is the fact that Bombay Times consistently prints stuff about Hrithik Roshan's 1-year-old son's birthday on front page. On the other we have Splurge, where almost all items that are showcased also read "Price on request."

On one hand we have Bombay Times that seems to have an obsessive interest in Anju Taraporevala, Pravina Mecklai and Monica Vaziralli. On the other is HT Cafe with every social "do" being rated as "Mwah" "Mmmm" and "Hmmm... uhhh" (How's that for journalistic and editorial "pen is mightier than sword"?) On the positive side, HT Cafe has a lot of cultural news. And Bombay Times has... comic strips.

Bombay Times: Mere paas Pritish Nandy hai, Shobha De hai, "PYT" aur "TLC" jaisa lingo hai! Tumhare paas kya hai, aye?
HT Cafe (solemnly): Mere paas Honey hai! Hah!!

This is one front on which HT Cafe does overtake BT. HT Cafe proudly presents a column called "Under Honey's Hat" every single day, despite the regular death letters and suicide notes that pour into their offices everyday on her account. Now, I am no writer, but today I solemnly assert that I can write a better column than "Honey". (I'm putting her name in quotes because I shudder to think that someone reading this might actually think I call her honey.)

Today's "Under Honey's Hat" column reads as follows:
Note: I'm including opening lines only. All formatting (capitals, bold letters, italics) are reproduced exactly.

Box 1: Disturbing news I got on my sms right now..

Box 2: So, how are my shammi kababs sizzling this morning? It's getting soooo hot in the city.. the wrong kind of hot that is.. that I've just landed in London with my makeup men in tow.. not that I need that.. but still..

Box 3: Gawd, they won't leave me alone in Vilayat even.. will they? MADHU my MOTTI maid called hysterically to say that she has espied MAANYATA curling like a python all around SANJAY DUTT!

Box 4: Ooooooh.. just put on the television channel here.. and got the fright of my life. Rakhi Sawant was on Boo Boo Chhee, raving about her dhansoo role in something called Buddha Mil Gaya...

Box 5: O me, O my. Madhu the Motti has been asking for a salary hike. Don't know what's come over her.. but ever since she heard in the market that Sneha Ullal, is asking for Rs. 25 lakh per film, Mottu thinks she's more attractive and happening.

Apparently, HT Cafe didn't complete the column name. It should have been, "Under Honey's Hat... Lies An Empty Head."

No, frankly, I understand this is the age of tabloidism and voyeurism. But can we at least have journalists who write correct English? And who are reporting something more interesting than the fact that Shamita Shetty brushed three times today? Why must we have columns by people who address their readers as "dahlings"?

And in a move that takes "dotting your i's" to a whole new level, the Edit page of the last Sunday Times of India had all "I"s written as "i"s. Having been editor of the school mag, this naturally irritated my senses. I feel I'm back at 15, poring over submissions from kids whose handwriting, spelling and grammar formed a lethal combination that almost always made me want to tear my hair out. I do remember reading some twaddle by way of an explanation a few weeks back, but whatever it was (and I can't recall it), I don't think anything justifies writing "i" all the time in a newspaper column. Please, STOI. Please. Don't make columns such a damned torture to read.

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P.S. To everyone out there who wants to watch a movie - forget about Namastey London or Hat Trick, please, and go watch The Namesake. Great book, good movie. There are, of course, changes and deviations, but the essence is beautifully preserved. Also a case of perfect casting and great performances.

P.P.S. Watching a movie alone is great fun! Finally got to try it out. :)

March 20, 2007

Traumatised...

Bhaiyon aur behenon, those who got the shock of their lives when they read the title; and sadists, who were feeling happy; take a deep breath. I love exaggeration. No trauma in my life. At least, no major trauma. Today's minor trauma is that there's a box of Milano in the house, and I cannot find it. And believe me, when a person searches the whole house, not just the kitchen, for a record twenty-five minutes, and a box of cookies still doesn't turn up, things are bad.

Duggu makes me think of Milano. Oops. Just realised that there was a Freudian slip there (thanks, Venkat, for teaching me that term!). That sentence was supposed to be, "Milano makes me think of Duggu." Anyhow, the point is, I'm presently thinking, Duggu is the only man in India who can wear a rose pink tee and not look like he's on the wrong side of "metrosexual", dance like a dream and sell biscuits with panache. (As a reference point, you might want to think of SRK selling 'Sunfeast' biscuits). Also can make Shoumeli and me do stupid things like send each other SMSes that say "MTV. Now." whenever they're showing "Dhoom Again". Or make Peru, an entirely sane woman (er... maybe not) send me a message that says, "I have D:2 on DVD... original print! Now Mr. A is mine, all mine! *evil laugh* "

Duggu cults aside, I am presently very bored. And the extent of my boredom will be clear from 2 simple facts:
1. I log onto Orkut three times a day.
2. I have had "Who's your type?" conversations with Shoumeli and Sunny. [Have discovered that all our respective "types" are impossible to find, and that each of us is unwilling to compromise. We all want someone perfectly tailored to suit us, and that unfortunately, is rather... er... difficult. 15 years down the line, I predict a "Singles Club" happening. But what the heck, statistics show that the top 4% and bottom 10% of population are single, former being too choosy and latter having no choice. We like to persuade ourselves that we're in the top 4%, even though the statistical probability thinks otherwise. ;) ]

I have also just realised that I promised in my last post that my next post would be as short as Uday Chopra, and this one is presently not going anywhere. So I would like to now talk about my encounter with the babudom.

I grew up in an era where we were firmly made to believe, "Customer Is King." This belief has been reaffirmed with the treatment we get everywhere - from mobile service providers to home appliance sellers.

Airtel, for example, scarcely ever lets a day go by without telling me about its exciting offers... "Ghar mein samasya, kaam mein rukawat, pyaar mein mushkil. Jaaniyein apna bhavishya panditji se!! SMS karein ___" and "Free Ringtones! Salaam E Ishq, Red, blah blah. SMS ___. Chgs apply." (Free AND Charges Apply. Nice.) But irritating SMSes aside, they usually provide good customer care round the clock - take my calls, listen to problems, be nice to me even if I'm at my sarcastic worst.

So in my naivete I imagined that the government would be, if not as good, a close second. My rationale was, "The government has to move with the times, or it's going to become an obsolete relic of a red-tape-ist regime." Little did I know, that it already is.

I need an MTNL broadband connection. So in December, one dude from the government comes home and creates a new phone line. Except that when a phone is plugged in, there is no dial tone, or for that matter, any sign of life. So we spend a month chasing the babus and phone repair guys to come and fix this.

By mid-January, it's fixed. I call MTNL Broadband Services (For sake of convenience, all phone numbers will be referred to as P1, P2, P3, etc.)

So I call P1.
Lady: Namaskaar.
Me: Oh, er, hello. We've got a phone line for a broadband connection here, but no connection. Work Order No. hai...
Lady (interrupting): Idhar ka problem nahi hai. P2 pe phone karo.
Me: Ok, thanks.

I call P2.
Lady:
Namaskaar.
Me: Haan, namaste. Phone line hai, broadband ka connection daalne ko koi aaya nahi hai.
Lady: Ithun kasala phone karta? P3 pe phone karo. [My Marathi skills are non-existent.]
Me: Er... Bye.

I call P3.
Lady:
Namaskaar.
Me: Namaskaar. [Gave in, finally.] [I repeat the problem]
Lady: Woh hum handle nahi karta hai. P4 pe phone karo.
Me: Arre lekin mujhe aapka number diya!
Lady: (As irritated as she would be, were I a credit card seller calling her at 1 in the night) Bola na, hum handle nahi karta hai. P4 pe karo.
Me: Mutter mutter. Slam.

I call P4.
Lady: Hello?
Me: (Relieved) [I repeat problem]
Lady: Madam paanch baj gaya. Office bandh hai. Kal phone karo.
Me: Kya? (Yaaron, 24x7 service ke zamaane mein, jab aisa koi bolta hai, I feel I'm dreaming.)
Lady: Arre kal gyaara aur paanch ke beech mein phone karo.
Me: (This time I'm too surprised to say anything. I just replace the receiver.)

I call P4 again, the next day.
Guy:
Namaskaar.
Me: Haan. Abhi suno. [I repeat problem]
Guy: (Yawns) Kya Bhurk Aardar Number bola?
Me: Huh?
Guy: Arre Bhurk Aardar Number kya hai?
Me: Oh. Achha. [I repeat the Work Order Number]
Guy: Ek minute. Haan. Aisa koi Bhurk Aardar nahi hai.
Me: (nonplussed) Mere haath mein hain!
Guy: Aisa koi Bhurk Aardar nahi hai. [He's apparently been programmed to say just this.]
Me: Aisa kaise ho sakta hai??
Guy: (Thinks) Kab ka hai?
Me: December
Guy: Toh humara koi aadmi aaya hoga, aur ghar pe koi nahi hoga.
Me: Toh aap cancel kar dete ho?!
Guy: Arre nahi, humne uss number pe phone bhi kiya hoga. Kisine liya nahi hoga. [Sounds happy, for some reason.]
Me: Lekin woh number ek mahine ke liye dead tha! Dead phone pe phone karega toh obviously aisa hi hoga na.
Guy: (A silence that says, "Fine. Now can I go back to my vada pav?")
Me: (Refusing to give in) Abhi kya karneka?
Guy: (Silence again)
Me: Kya karneka?
Guy: (Sigh) Naya form bharo.
Me: Phir kitna time lagega?
Guy: (At the end of his tether, apparently) Arre, humko kaise pata! Woh Telephone Exchange mein poochho.
Me: (Resigned) XYZ area ke Exchange ka number hai?
Guy: P5.

Conclusion: To get any work done in a Government Office, you must be:
1. Related to the CM, Commissioner, Governor, et al
2. Fluent in Marathi
3. Willing to bribe
4. Very patient, in spite of 1, 2 and 3.

Thankfully, I do eventually have a broadband connection now and it's a wonderful thing. God bless. All is forgiven.

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This entry is dedicated to Peru - my "Soul Sistah" in the blogging world. Freakily coincidental blogs, freakily coincidental thoughts, freakily coincidental comments, freakily coincidental drafts, even! Add to that the fact that she's just sent me a message that says "Do you take me to be your freakish karmic soul sistah, for rich quotes and corny, poor jokes; in text messaging and in poor signal, till low battery do us part?" My reaction was a solemn, but emotional, "I do." [We stopped there, for anyone who's wondering.] Whom blogging hath joined let no Blogspot/LiveSpaces malfunctions do apart.

March 13, 2007

How To Safeguard Your Image, and Life, While Speaking To Certain Factions

What not to say to a woman (For men, naturally. Women can get away with telling each other almost anything):

1. "How would you like a gym membership on your next birthday?"

No, she will not believe that you are offering it simply because you think she might enjoy working out.

2. "Nothing."

In reply to "What's the matter?" or "What are you thinking?". Even if it IS nothing, she won't believe you, so you're better off with "Tired" or "About the match" - lame, but she'll believe it. After all, women do think all the time, and something or the other is always the matter with them, so they assume it is so with men too.

3. "Let's go for a cricket match - more fun than a dinner date, na?"

While the first half is acceptable, the second half will almost always land you in deep shit.

4. "No offence, but your best friend is insufferable."

Uh oh. Thou shalt not underestimate the power of thy girlfriend's best friend. The best friend will be told about what you said, make no mistake, and will initiate a break-up.

5. "No, I don't obsessively collect our photographs. In fact... hmm... *with amusement* I can't recall where the last bunch is, yaar!"

Nostalgia and mushiness usually form the core of any woman's personality. Stay noncommital here.

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What not to say to a man (Here, I don't think it matters what gender you are. These are things that are just not to be said.):

1. "You're not as cool as you think."

The person to whom this is said will either ignore it, or sever relations with you. But whatever the case, he will never believe you.

2. "Sports aren't really as great as they're made out to be."

This might just be acceptable if you're Angelina Jolie, but otherwise, it's a no-no.

3. "You're scared of bikes/dogs/swimming/horses?? HA HA HA!"

A certain large -but fragile- something called the "male ego" is broken here.

4. "Ask for directions, na!"

No. The First Principle of Manhood, all the world over, is, "Never ask for directions. We can find our way, even if it means getting lost thrice and wasting a gallon of fuel."

5. "You don't have a chance with her."

Will be met with disbelief, in every single case, so quite pointless.

[The above points were based on observation of my friends of both genders. So maybe I know only a few nutty teenagers who are hell-bent on growing up too fast. But as a general rule, it is true that even the most smart, pretty and funny woman won't believe you when you say she is all those things; and even the most idiotic, halfwitted, and boring male won't believe you when you say that he is indeed, an ass.]

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What not to say to a teenager (For adults):

1. "Don't you have to study?"

The 'S' word is a no-no.

2. "You're a child. You won't understand."

Note: The teenage ego is almost as touchy as the male ego. You do not say such things. Because, frankly, you have no idea of the number, and the monstrosity, of the things a teenager can do to prove he/she is an adult.

3. "What are your plans?"

This is okay if you want to know where he/she is going today and tomorrow, but for a time period longer than that, no way!

4. "What were you talking about?"

With reference to the 1-hour conversation he/she just had with his/her best friend. Trust me, you don't want to know.

5. "You really like this music?!"

Okay if asked in an appreciative, or at least, curious tone. Not okay if asked with wide eyes, a disbelieving tone, and a "God-yeh-kya-bakwaas-hai" look.

6. "Your uncle's wife's sister's son's wife's brother is getting married tomorrow, you have to come. Agar nahi aaye toh bahut bura lagega, beta!"

He/she is never going to buy that.

7. "You met your friends just yesterday! Why do you have to meet them again?"

This will induce instant dislike.

8. "Blue hair? I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!"

While surprise, shock and disbelief will be met with equanimity - since they're all expected - a sentence like "I will not let that happen" will have the worst possible effects. She will do a combination of blue and green, just to show you where you stand.

9. "You should socialise more."

While "socialise" with reference to friends will be a welcome suggestion, most people usually mean with relatives. All you will get is, "God, I tolerate them for 5 hours sometimes, at a stretch. Instead of applauding me for my bravery, you want MORE?!"

10. "How can you be bored so often? There are so many things to do!"

No, there are not. At least, what qualifies as "things to do" in your language does not even form the periphery of an average teenager's life and routine, and he likes it that way.

[I realise that I've just painted a picture of myself that is very Hrithik-Roshan-in-first-half-of-Lakshya. Not true. I am, in fact, one of the most patient and hard-working people of my age, whose tolerance level for pages and pages of shitty Economics deserves a mention somewhere. Ditto my dislike for long conversations and obsessive "He/she likes me - likes me not - likes me - likes me not" stuff. *Thinks* That probably makes me abnormal. Sigh. Another cross to bear, but I can live with it. :p]

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What not to say to a Bombaiyya (If you come from another part of India. I'm not counting Bombaiyyas themselves here, because they never will say such things in the first place anyway.):

1. "This city makes me sick."

Response will be, "You make me sick. Bye."

2. "I tried Vada pav / pav bhaji / pani puri / bhel / ragda pattice yesterday. It's okay, men."

No, men, saying nothing is preferable to saying "It's okay." We live for our stomachs, and food lies at the core of Bombay, just like pandus at a signal and Gujju rummy-players in a 1st class compartment. Anything that falls short of "Wow!" when you first taste Bombaiyya food, is unacceptable.

3. "Aap please bata sakte hai nau-adattis ki Churchgate ki gaadi humein kahan se leni chahiye? Humne suna hai khaali aati hai."

The person you are talking to, at the station, has: a. No time. b. No knowledge of the "hum" and "aap" variety of Hindi. c. No patience with people who speak like this. The question must be rephrased thus: "Bhaiyya, nine-thirty-eight ka Churchgate kidhar aayenga?" to which he will say "May-dom, kaiko time khoti karta hai. Indicator saamne hai," and walk off.

4. "Ha ha, what a weird dialect of Hindi you people speak."

Chances are, that is the only form of Hindi he knows.

5. "Tell me, why does your city vote for the Shiv Sena?"

Now this is perfectly correct and hence will touch a raw nerve. We don't know why we vote for the Sena. And we don't know why we don't know. But the last thing we want is to be questioned about our political blunders by "bleddy outsiders."

6. "I saw Shweta Kawatra in Lokhandwala yesterday, men!!!"

Ho hum. It's not news unless you spotted Hrithik Roshan, SRK, AB, Kareena and Aishwarya together in a car, and they waved at you.

7. In a whining voice: "Three people stamped on my toes in the train yesterday!"

No, we don't sympathise. That happens everyday. Learn to laugh.

8. "I want a 1 BHK furnished flat in Bandra. Rs. 5000 a month should be more than enough, right?"

Are you for real?

9. "I'm overworked. I have to work from 9 to 5 and 2 hours overtime!"

No, child, you are overworked only when you work from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m.

10. "Delhi is better than Bombay."

This is the ultimate blasphemy. If you said Bangalore, or Chennai, or Kolkata, or Pune, or Hyderabad, the more charitable souls will think you're an eccentric and nothing more. But mention Delhi, and you've had it. After a stunned silence of 5 seconds, where the listener will wrestle with his first instinct (i.e. strangling you), you'll get a few Bambaiyya gaalis - a healthy mix of Hindi, Marathi, Konkani, Gujarati and English - followed by "Go back to where you came from, bleddy moron!"

[The above being gained by personal experience. Having grown up on vada pav, kanda-batata-kothmir instead of pyaaz-aloo-dhania, A-1 Pav Bhaji Stalls, Chinees Corners, Shezvan Noodle and Sendweech Stalls, I loathe category 10 like any Bombaiyya and almost fainted when a close friend told me that she would prefer Delhi to Bombay for university. While, in a kind-hearted moment, I forgave her; the memory still rankles and things can never be the same again.]

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Afterthought - The length of my posts is getting to be horrible. A little longer, and this would have been as long as Chidambaram's speech on Budget Day. Next entry, I promise, will be as short as Uday Chopra.

March 07, 2007

Of Post-Exam Euphoria and Random Musings on Life

Bombay, March 6: In a surprising show of strength and fortitude, a compulsive-but-senseless blogger emerged from her exam hall, with a pale face and a set look. She had just finished the most pathologically boring exams of her life, and for a day, could not believe her luck at having survived through exams which asked her questions like "Do you like jokes? Why?", "Do you want a pet? Why?" (Horrifyingly bizarre though it may sound, these are the questions asked in an English paper of HSC, Maharashtra State Board - the one and only - in Feb 2007.)

Which brings us to the point of this entry. The point is that I (I'm abandoning third person narrative now, sorry, too tedious. And anyone who yells "Inconsistency!" can go back to doing whatever they were doing before they came - accidentally or intentionally - to this blog), after having studied Shakesepeare in school (God bless ICSE) expected Dickens in college. Instead, into my hands was rammed an unsightly green book called "Yuvakbharati". (I kid you not, the English book has a Hindi name).

This little masterpiece, which refers to photocopies as "Xerox-copies" and curriculum vitae as "bio-datas" (look up the dictionary, it's not even a word), also has sentences like "There is no obvious connection between a picture of a smiling girl and a certain brand of sweets, but most people like looking at pictures of pretty girls," which, I assume, were written in rare (but unintentional) flashes of honesty. The high point of this subject, of course, is the paper itself, which asks you to choose between:
1. TV - Advantages and Disadvantages
2. If I were the Principal of my College
3. My Favourite Game
as an essay topic. Naturally, then, the key to cracking an English paper is hypnotising oneself to believe that one is 8 years old.

Apart from the English paper, I have several bones to pick (is that a correct phrase?) with the State board, but we'll save that for another day.

I can only summarise by saying that:

1. I'm glad that I never have to:

  • Study that Remedy For Insomnia, O.C. (Organisation of Commerce, not the high-drama soap in which people are constantly getting entangled in relationships).
  • Try to figure out what are simple, compound and complex sentences, or change one to the other - which invariably results in what the paper-setters of the SAT would call "awkward construction" and "unnecessary verbosity", but which, unfortunately, is what this board seems to love. (Just noticed that the above IS a single sentence. Unnecessary verbosity will be my death one day.)
  • Go through the psychologically demeaning and intellectually scarring experience of having to write an essay on "T.V. - Advantages and Disadvantages." (I know, I know, I'm harping on the damn thing, but I still haven't recovered!!)
  • Try and remember a thousand formulas (formulae?) for sin -θ, cos 3θ sin C.sin D and sin C + sin D and so on, because I've been trying and failing to do so for over a year now. (In case you want to know, my Math II paper was NOT good.)

2. I'm also glad that over the next week or so, I freely can:

  • Daydream without setting time limits
  • Blog
  • Go out without feeling guilty
  • Eat roadside food without worrying about bacteria, viruses, and the thousand germs that supposedly should attack your system but never have, in all my life.
  • Sleep 10 hours a day
  • Gloat about my exams being over, to other, less fortunate people.
  • NOT have to answer the questions "How much have you finished?", "Foreign Trade aata hai?", "Why you online??!" (The last one being posed by horrible uncle-aunty types, who are aged 16-20, but behave like they're 47.)
  • NOT receive messages that read "Eh Mudu, pak raha hai. How much you finished?" I mean, really, once, twice, three times. But EVERY SINGLE DAY?!

I've also realised that I must resign myself to the following things (they don't come under the head of "Post-Exam Euphoria" but what the heck... the point of this blog is that I can blog about anything, be it exams or my neighbour's cat):

  • Shoumeli Das (my friend currently cut off from humanity - at least what WE know as humanity - in a hellhole called Jamshedpur, and, for some reason, desperate to see yours truly hitched to a loser, come what may) WILL keep telling me "You na... you'll toh find a damn cool boyfriend when you go to IIM!!" until the actual day when I score a 90 percentile on the CAT and can gain admission only into Thakur College, Kandivli.
  • People, fully aware of the fact that I was doing Umang, Malhar, MoodI and ELA while they were studying, WILL tell me "Chup kar... sab aata hai... don't lie!" and behave like the deaf adder when I insist that I have had neither the time nor the inclination to study more than 30% till January.
  • I will remain 5' 2" all my life. (For those interested, though, there are a lot more advantages to being vertically challenged than you ever imagined. First, you get to be at the front of every group photo. Second, people call you "cute" simply because you're shorter than them. And third, and most important, you can avoid people easily by hiding behind cars, stalls, autos, tables, or... umm... other people.)
  • Efforts to sell a lit magazine in the canteen WILL beget responses like "I don't read."
  • Questions like "Have you seen 'Dor'?", WILL, 67% of the time, get answers like "Have you seen 'Shaadi No. 1'??"
  • On a wider level, Himess-bhai WILL continue to sing and irritate, and auto-wallas WILL continue to play his stuff.
  • The Times WILL continue obsessed with "When are Aishwarya and Abhishek getting married?" Really, now, I'm sure they'll do it in full public glare - I've never known either to miss a chance to get publicity. So why bother?
  • SRK-supporters (God bless their misguided souls - because it is my belief that they are more to be pitied than censured) WILL staunchly defend their demi-God, contrary to all logic, reasoning and common sense.
  • Comparisons WILL be made between SRK and Hrithik Roshan (and this is probably the last time I want to mention both in the same sentence).
  • Asha Bhonsle, one of our best singers, WILL make videos with Brett Lee wearing a bright green shirt and singing "Uh Maye Toomara Hoo, Toomara Hi Rrrrahunga!"

I think I have now covered nearly everything I wanted to say. For those who came here looking for coherence and substance, well, really, you don't know me. To be honest, my plan WAS to write about a recent interaction with the babu-dom which left me rather zapped, but that can wait. Till next time, then, bye! (And just by the way, if I continue getting 4 comments per post, I might shut this blog down. *Thinks* Is that a good enough threat? *Thinks some more* Probably not. Damn.)

P.S. And to those who read this and who are fortunate enough to NOT have taken 12th Board exams recently, I say this - Count your blessings. You may have just read an entry that made very little sense, but at least you have the good fortune of not having suffered through those exams, or of having forgotten what it feels like.

P.P.S. If you're someone from the Education Department reading this (one-in-a-million chance, but I like to cover all possibilities), get the hint. E-mail me, or anyone my age, for that matter, and we will readily provide you with a list of the 103 basic, and 486 secondary changes that are required in the system. Oh, and for starters, just so that you know - "weightage", which appears in nearly all your books, is not a word.