March 07, 2007

Of Post-Exam Euphoria and Random Musings on Life

Bombay, March 6: In a surprising show of strength and fortitude, a compulsive-but-senseless blogger emerged from her exam hall, with a pale face and a set look. She had just finished the most pathologically boring exams of her life, and for a day, could not believe her luck at having survived through exams which asked her questions like "Do you like jokes? Why?", "Do you want a pet? Why?" (Horrifyingly bizarre though it may sound, these are the questions asked in an English paper of HSC, Maharashtra State Board - the one and only - in Feb 2007.)

Which brings us to the point of this entry. The point is that I (I'm abandoning third person narrative now, sorry, too tedious. And anyone who yells "Inconsistency!" can go back to doing whatever they were doing before they came - accidentally or intentionally - to this blog), after having studied Shakesepeare in school (God bless ICSE) expected Dickens in college. Instead, into my hands was rammed an unsightly green book called "Yuvakbharati". (I kid you not, the English book has a Hindi name).

This little masterpiece, which refers to photocopies as "Xerox-copies" and curriculum vitae as "bio-datas" (look up the dictionary, it's not even a word), also has sentences like "There is no obvious connection between a picture of a smiling girl and a certain brand of sweets, but most people like looking at pictures of pretty girls," which, I assume, were written in rare (but unintentional) flashes of honesty. The high point of this subject, of course, is the paper itself, which asks you to choose between:
1. TV - Advantages and Disadvantages
2. If I were the Principal of my College
3. My Favourite Game
as an essay topic. Naturally, then, the key to cracking an English paper is hypnotising oneself to believe that one is 8 years old.

Apart from the English paper, I have several bones to pick (is that a correct phrase?) with the State board, but we'll save that for another day.

I can only summarise by saying that:

1. I'm glad that I never have to:

  • Study that Remedy For Insomnia, O.C. (Organisation of Commerce, not the high-drama soap in which people are constantly getting entangled in relationships).
  • Try to figure out what are simple, compound and complex sentences, or change one to the other - which invariably results in what the paper-setters of the SAT would call "awkward construction" and "unnecessary verbosity", but which, unfortunately, is what this board seems to love. (Just noticed that the above IS a single sentence. Unnecessary verbosity will be my death one day.)
  • Go through the psychologically demeaning and intellectually scarring experience of having to write an essay on "T.V. - Advantages and Disadvantages." (I know, I know, I'm harping on the damn thing, but I still haven't recovered!!)
  • Try and remember a thousand formulas (formulae?) for sin -θ, cos 3θ sin C.sin D and sin C + sin D and so on, because I've been trying and failing to do so for over a year now. (In case you want to know, my Math II paper was NOT good.)

2. I'm also glad that over the next week or so, I freely can:

  • Daydream without setting time limits
  • Blog
  • Go out without feeling guilty
  • Eat roadside food without worrying about bacteria, viruses, and the thousand germs that supposedly should attack your system but never have, in all my life.
  • Sleep 10 hours a day
  • Gloat about my exams being over, to other, less fortunate people.
  • NOT have to answer the questions "How much have you finished?", "Foreign Trade aata hai?", "Why you online??!" (The last one being posed by horrible uncle-aunty types, who are aged 16-20, but behave like they're 47.)
  • NOT receive messages that read "Eh Mudu, pak raha hai. How much you finished?" I mean, really, once, twice, three times. But EVERY SINGLE DAY?!

I've also realised that I must resign myself to the following things (they don't come under the head of "Post-Exam Euphoria" but what the heck... the point of this blog is that I can blog about anything, be it exams or my neighbour's cat):

  • Shoumeli Das (my friend currently cut off from humanity - at least what WE know as humanity - in a hellhole called Jamshedpur, and, for some reason, desperate to see yours truly hitched to a loser, come what may) WILL keep telling me "You na... you'll toh find a damn cool boyfriend when you go to IIM!!" until the actual day when I score a 90 percentile on the CAT and can gain admission only into Thakur College, Kandivli.
  • People, fully aware of the fact that I was doing Umang, Malhar, MoodI and ELA while they were studying, WILL tell me "Chup kar... sab aata hai... don't lie!" and behave like the deaf adder when I insist that I have had neither the time nor the inclination to study more than 30% till January.
  • I will remain 5' 2" all my life. (For those interested, though, there are a lot more advantages to being vertically challenged than you ever imagined. First, you get to be at the front of every group photo. Second, people call you "cute" simply because you're shorter than them. And third, and most important, you can avoid people easily by hiding behind cars, stalls, autos, tables, or... umm... other people.)
  • Efforts to sell a lit magazine in the canteen WILL beget responses like "I don't read."
  • Questions like "Have you seen 'Dor'?", WILL, 67% of the time, get answers like "Have you seen 'Shaadi No. 1'??"
  • On a wider level, Himess-bhai WILL continue to sing and irritate, and auto-wallas WILL continue to play his stuff.
  • The Times WILL continue obsessed with "When are Aishwarya and Abhishek getting married?" Really, now, I'm sure they'll do it in full public glare - I've never known either to miss a chance to get publicity. So why bother?
  • SRK-supporters (God bless their misguided souls - because it is my belief that they are more to be pitied than censured) WILL staunchly defend their demi-God, contrary to all logic, reasoning and common sense.
  • Comparisons WILL be made between SRK and Hrithik Roshan (and this is probably the last time I want to mention both in the same sentence).
  • Asha Bhonsle, one of our best singers, WILL make videos with Brett Lee wearing a bright green shirt and singing "Uh Maye Toomara Hoo, Toomara Hi Rrrrahunga!"

I think I have now covered nearly everything I wanted to say. For those who came here looking for coherence and substance, well, really, you don't know me. To be honest, my plan WAS to write about a recent interaction with the babu-dom which left me rather zapped, but that can wait. Till next time, then, bye! (And just by the way, if I continue getting 4 comments per post, I might shut this blog down. *Thinks* Is that a good enough threat? *Thinks some more* Probably not. Damn.)

P.S. And to those who read this and who are fortunate enough to NOT have taken 12th Board exams recently, I say this - Count your blessings. You may have just read an entry that made very little sense, but at least you have the good fortune of not having suffered through those exams, or of having forgotten what it feels like.

P.P.S. If you're someone from the Education Department reading this (one-in-a-million chance, but I like to cover all possibilities), get the hint. E-mail me, or anyone my age, for that matter, and we will readily provide you with a list of the 103 basic, and 486 secondary changes that are required in the system. Oh, and for starters, just so that you know - "weightage", which appears in nearly all your books, is not a word.


Aprajita said...

muddu .. u suck for the srk thing .. i hate ppl who assume tht what they think is automatically right .. oh cmon .. RESPECT dude ..
otherwise kickass blog .. :D very very funny :D as usual .. waiting for more .. less random :D
one more thing .. its not neccessary to compare everything in life .. hrithik and shahrukh is bloody diff man .. u can comapre them is they do the same rold .. who was freakin bttr otherwise theyre diff !!!! hellooo ive never compared leonardo decaprio to richard gere but i love them na !!! ... :P:P
anways write more fast fast !! tc muah

Pratz said...

I agger with Aprajita...U can't comapre SRK and Hrithik!!! They are two diff entities(dont ask me why this word came up...i m facing my own exam troubles...for us every paper is like OC!!!) Anyways coming back to the point....awesome as usual....and plz dont stop blogging...u not satisfied with 4 comments...will 40 do? Lolz...naah on the contrary chuck it...i mean how many diff meanings can derive of the word "awesome". Pretty much sense i must say...though i must say English Paper was actually a stress buster during the boards...write anything u get its ur little bit of fun time...when u can write down all the sarcasm, weird crap...watever in those 3 hrs. Wokay will stop typing here...if i were to praise every bit of this article...i really would need 40 comments!!!
Keep Blogging,
Muddu-Fan : Pratz!!!

Anonymous said...

real nice blog..i mean i am bleary eyed n sleepy n ur blog did make lugh! man ur levels of sarcasm are just too good. seriously,u say u dont have a decent level of creativity? go die in some ditch. i mean who can match the frequency of ur blogs.(my last blog was publishd in ....dun even remm)not even the frequency but also the quality! really nice blogs. crap ur 'random' thots r so good i wonder wat ur constructive thots sound/look/hear like. waiting for more.oh btw congratulations for the edu. times article.byee

Asterix said...

You forgot some other benefits of being 5'2" --- like paying children's fare in amusement parks, buses, and cinema halls, getting a cushion to sit on in your car, and not having to worry about compulsory basketball practice.

On a separate note, it was disturbing to see that you sleep only 10 hours during your "relaxing time". What a workaholic!

This is the third comment, and I hope you get atleast two more to break your existing record of 4 comments.

Best of luck for your future plans.

Anonymous said...

Awesome awesome awesome stuff...
the first ever mudra blog ive read
looking forward to some more wackier funnier and crazier stuff in the future.. (or did i miss most of it already )
keep blogging..

and yeah u gotta stop the Hrithik srk comparisons... Hrithik is gonna loose :P :P :P :P :P

For another 5 years atleast.. :P

ur newest fan

(hey that rhymed)

Nitish said...

Mudra ! I'm back in the read-blogs-and-comment circuit..It feels great..I'm elated and overjoyed..(Please wait, I need a moment here)..
Getting back, I totally agreed with what you've written about our English paper. But let me remind you, thats just one set out of the four equally disturbing and equally elementary quetion papers that our boards has taken one year to set. I had a question in mine which asked:
"Do you look in the mirror?Why?"

But its all good now cos its over finally.Looking forward to reading more of your shit,dawg !


azmeen said...

omg u rock!!
:D :D

Anirudh Shetty said...

Thank YOu for speakin our heart out...I hope those HSC board ppl do chance to read this entry..

yu know Navneet english guide is fun... Chk out this question..

"Q.what do you feel when you see small babies and children??

Ans. They are cute and innocent and I feel extremely happy when I see them..."

And topics like Trees r the best frnd..

And many ppl got a trip to a hill station...

My frnd said "I wrote all kiddish stuff yaa.." I was like Dude.. wht else do you write abt wht yu do in a picnic in a hill station.. I dont suppose you conduct experiments or study the effects of Demand law on tourists?????!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Btw.. the syllabus has changed..

(poor ppl hav ta study EVS and PE thoery... God bless them..)

And they have our 12th maths syllabus in 11th!!

So its our luck we escaped easy...

Id like to hear ur trashing of Babudom!!

Rock on matey!!

Bleue said...

Lady! You be the Sarcy-Queen!
Every bit of this had me roaring in laughter (though i cudnt ACTUALLY do it, cuz then my dad wud think im positively insane)
Yes..omg! Yes Yuvakbharati (i toh een find the name funny)
And all those things you can do, I can do them tooo!!! woohoo!!
Chup kar, sab aata hai...haha..very true baba, very true..
People SAID that 2 Zest!! Haah! dimwits!! Like who says "I dont read" !?!? L-O-L!
Arey i lik tht brett lee song ya, so flippin accented its not even funny! haha..rrrrahoongaa..
yes, the threat wont tellin u, do sum gadbad with ur blog also, then ull get 7 comments in 17 minutes...(*loud laugh*)
Weightage: funny (not-a-)word that!

Cheers \m/, (+.+) ,\m/

Mudra said...

@apra, pratz: Sorry people, I just see "They are freaking different" as yet another attempt by SRK-lovers to evade the issue of how terrible their God is, especially when compared. If you can compare AB Jr, Hrithik, Saif, blah blah blah, why give such special privileges to SRK??

@pratz, vyoma, stan, azmeen, anirudh: Thank you, people!

@rahul: Oi! (Since you seem to find that very amusing :p) I do NOT pay children's fare anywhere ok! Being 5'2" doesn't mean you have to look like you're 12 :p

@nitish: Yeah Dawg, like damn cool n all, man, seriously, like, you know what I'm saying? :p My English paper had "Do you look into the mirror? Do you get a surprise?" too... along with questions like "How many toes does a rhea have on each feet?" (Note: EACH FEET)

@bleue/peru: "I don't read" is just the beginning. There were better, weirder responses I got, but they'll have to be enacted, not blogged about. Anyway, thanks! (And welcome back to blogging, we be the only 2 active bloggers now.)

@all: 9 comments in 2 days. Now you know why I love the post-exam phase? Though, admittedly, I suppose the semi-blackmail had something to do with it too.

jeet said...

funny blog senora

I left Delhi when I was in 10th grade and didnt take the Boards, thank god for that


shoumeli.. said...

hey!!nice entry:)...i hate u bitch... but still:)...
unlike appu n others.. im gonna say hrithik is waayyyy better than SRK!!gimme five!!!but i liked this one...
n yea.. advantages of being 5'2"!!hehehe....

Mudra said...

@jeet: Lucky you! The "plus 2" is probably the worst part of your education.

@shoumeli: Hehehehe... ;)

Sharanya said...

mudra was always the one for creative writing :-) very nice post. sigh, i remember trying to sell mags at apna nm canteen too...

Devanshi said...

This is the best thing that I have read one day before my 12th std. English board exam!! A hundred times better than any chapter or poem in Yuvakbharti(except The Speckled Band. I am sorry, that is a personal favorite)!!