Which brings us to the point of this entry. The point is that I (I'm abandoning third person narrative now, sorry, too tedious. And anyone who yells "Inconsistency!" can go back to doing whatever they were doing before they came - accidentally or intentionally - to this blog), after having studied Shakesepeare in school (God bless ICSE) expected Dickens in college. Instead, into my hands was rammed an unsightly green book called "Yuvakbharati". (I kid you not, the English book has a Hindi name).
This little masterpiece, which refers to photocopies as "Xerox-copies" and curriculum vitae as "bio-datas" (look up the dictionary, it's not even a word), also has sentences like "There is no obvious connection between a picture of a smiling girl and a certain brand of sweets, but most people like looking at pictures of pretty girls," which, I assume, were written in rare (but unintentional) flashes of honesty. The high point of this subject, of course, is the paper itself, which asks you to choose between:
1. TV - Advantages and Disadvantages
2. If I were the Principal of my College
3. My Favourite Game
as an essay topic. Naturally, then, the key to cracking an English paper is hypnotising oneself to believe that one is 8 years old.
Apart from the English paper, I have several bones to pick (is that a correct phrase?) with the State board, but we'll save that for another day.
I can only summarise by saying that:
1. I'm glad that I never have to:
- Study that Remedy For Insomnia, O.C. (Organisation of Commerce, not the high-drama soap in which people are constantly getting entangled in relationships).
- Try to figure out what are simple, compound and complex sentences, or change one to the other - which invariably results in what the paper-setters of the SAT would call "awkward construction" and "unnecessary verbosity", but which, unfortunately, is what this board seems to love. (Just noticed that the above IS a single sentence. Unnecessary verbosity will be my death one day.)
- Go through the psychologically demeaning and intellectually scarring experience of having to write an essay on "T.V. - Advantages and Disadvantages." (I know, I know, I'm harping on the damn thing, but I still haven't recovered!!)
- Try and remember a thousand formulas (formulae?) for sin -θ, cos 3θ sin C.sin D and sin C + sin D and so on, because I've been trying and failing to do so for over a year now. (In case you want to know, my Math II paper was NOT good.)
2. I'm also glad that over the next week or so, I freely can:
- Daydream without setting time limits
- Go out without feeling guilty
- Eat roadside food without worrying about bacteria, viruses, and the thousand germs that supposedly should attack your system but never have, in all my life.
- Sleep 10 hours a day
- Gloat about my exams being over, to other, less fortunate people.
- NOT have to answer the questions "How much have you finished?", "Foreign Trade aata hai?", "Why you online??!" (The last one being posed by horrible uncle-aunty types, who are aged 16-20, but behave like they're 47.)
- NOT receive messages that read "Eh Mudu, pak raha hai. How much you finished?" I mean, really, once, twice, three times. But EVERY SINGLE DAY?!
I've also realised that I must resign myself to the following things (they don't come under the head of "Post-Exam Euphoria" but what the heck... the point of this blog is that I can blog about anything, be it exams or my neighbour's cat):
- Shoumeli Das (my friend currently cut off from humanity - at least what WE know as humanity - in a hellhole called Jamshedpur, and, for some reason, desperate to see yours truly hitched to a loser, come what may) WILL keep telling me "You na... you'll toh find a damn cool boyfriend when you go to IIM!!" until the actual day when I score a 90 percentile on the CAT and can gain admission only into Thakur College, Kandivli.
- People, fully aware of the fact that I was doing Umang, Malhar, MoodI and ELA while they were studying, WILL tell me "Chup kar... sab aata hai... don't lie!" and behave like the deaf adder when I insist that I have had neither the time nor the inclination to study more than 30% till January.
- I will remain 5' 2" all my life. (For those interested, though, there are a lot more advantages to being vertically challenged than you ever imagined. First, you get to be at the front of every group photo. Second, people call you "cute" simply because you're shorter than them. And third, and most important, you can avoid people easily by hiding behind cars, stalls, autos, tables, or... umm... other people.)
- Efforts to sell a lit magazine in the canteen WILL beget responses like "I don't read."
- Questions like "Have you seen 'Dor'?", WILL, 67% of the time, get answers like "Have you seen 'Shaadi No. 1'??"
- On a wider level, Himess-bhai WILL continue to sing and irritate, and auto-wallas WILL continue to play his stuff.
- The Times WILL continue obsessed with "When are Aishwarya and Abhishek getting married?" Really, now, I'm sure they'll do it in full public glare - I've never known either to miss a chance to get publicity. So why bother?
- SRK-supporters (God bless their misguided souls - because it is my belief that they are more to be pitied than censured) WILL staunchly defend their demi-God, contrary to all logic, reasoning and common sense.
- Comparisons WILL be made between SRK and Hrithik Roshan (and this is probably the last time I want to mention both in the same sentence).
- Asha Bhonsle, one of our best singers, WILL make videos with Brett Lee wearing a bright green shirt and singing "Uh Maye Toomara Hoo, Toomara Hi Rrrrahunga!"
I think I have now covered nearly everything I wanted to say. For those who came here looking for coherence and substance, well, really, you don't know me. To be honest, my plan WAS to write about a recent interaction with the babu-dom which left me rather zapped, but that can wait. Till next time, then, bye! (And just by the way, if I continue getting 4 comments per post, I might shut this blog down. *Thinks* Is that a good enough threat? *Thinks some more* Probably not. Damn.)
P.S. And to those who read this and who are fortunate enough to NOT have taken 12th Board exams recently, I say this - Count your blessings. You may have just read an entry that made very little sense, but at least you have the good fortune of not having suffered through those exams, or of having forgotten what it feels like.
P.P.S. If you're someone from the Education Department reading this (one-in-a-million chance, but I like to cover all possibilities), get the hint. E-mail me, or anyone my age, for that matter, and we will readily provide you with a list of the 103 basic, and 486 secondary changes that are required in the system. Oh, and for starters, just so that you know - "weightage", which appears in nearly all your books, is not a word.