April 14, 2007

Today's Gem

Extract from my Statistics reference book:

A man wants to marry a girl having the following qualities:
White complexion - the probability of getting such a girl is 1 in 20;
Handsome dowry - the probability of getting such a girl is 1 in 50;
Westernised manners and etiquette - the probability of getting such a girl is 1 in 100.

Find the probability of him getting married to such a girl when the possession of these attributes is independent.

I don't know what's worse - the prerequisites for marriage, the absolute lack of anything that remotely makes sense or the low probabilities of finding such girls according to the author. All that I can say to the book's credit is that it was printed in the 1960s.

Initially I found it half-disgusting, half-funny and somewhat antiquated.

But here's something to ponder on: Has much really changed? Don't matrimonial ads today still read "Wanted: Fair, beautiful, convent-educated, home-loving bride"? In contrast, the ones published by women looking for men at least have some variation and novelty, and a sign of an independent mind at work. And when wants diverge so much, is it any surprise that fewer and fewer people are getting married?

April 07, 2007

I want to be a taggee too!! *Tantrum*

Somebody, tag me. Please. Please. Please.

I have an insane urge to blog, but cannot think of anything to blog about. Life nowadays is, not to put too fine a point on it, a crashing bore. A typical day is a combination of studying for a damn CA entrance, watching inane shows on the telly, coming online to talk to nuts and trying to make sense of a Rakhi Sawant video wherein the lady mumbles something incoherent and crushes bullets to dust with her bare hands.

People who are tagged all the time have it easy. I mean, you don't have to think of a topic. What's more, questions are hardly ever deep. Most are on the lines of "How many times did you brush today?" and "What is lying on your table?" Much like a Govinda starrer, no brain exercise is needed. And unless you've spent four hours doing a fourth of a chapter in Accountancy, you will never truly understand the deep, wild desire for a complete lack of brain exercise.

Which brings me to the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India, which formulates this course. The Accountancy book does not have page numbers in the true sense. Pages are labelled according to chapters. For example, 1.1, 1.35, 2.1, 2.67 and so on. This is apparently to jhonkofy dhool in the eyes of unsuspecting students. The message they wish to send across, I suppose, is, "Now, now, children; We know this book looks like a monster from your worst nightmares. But to reduce your stress, we won't show you how many pages it actually is." Little do they know that the first day I tried to begin, all I did was add up the last page numbers of each chapter, get a whopping total of 718 pages, and spend the rest of the day hyperventilating. The Math book also does not have commas, or decimal points. What fun.

Anyway, getting back to what I was saying, taggees (?) have a good life. Firstly all taggers and taggees are part of some weird clique, leaving comments on each others blogs to say stuff like "Hi!! Kewl!! Cya dude!!" Not that I'm saying they shouldn't. But since I'm not a part of such a clique, a little bitterness is inevitable. The other thing is that they will all tag each other all the time, so the necessity of thinking up new stuff to write about is erased.
4 simple steps to bliss:
1. Read blogs
2. Comment
3. Get tagged
4. Tag others
While 1 & 2 seem like hard work to many, one must remember that they pay rich dividends - in the form of 20+ comments on each entry and several tags. What a life.

Post May 6th, there are a number of things on the "To do" list - more, in fact, than there are now. A few hundred movies, a few thousand books and a quite a few friends to catch up with. Post June 1st (when the results come out), if I pass, I must start internship. And internship to me can mean only the following things:

1. Uncomfortable formal clothes for 10 hours everyday will replace the good old kurtas and jeans.

2. A ghastly bore of a boss will make me turn into a homicidal lunatic.

3. Days will be spent submitting reports, correcting reports, re-submitting reports and... well, you get my drift.

4. I will slowly - but surely - become one of those people who do victory dances when 10 cells in MS Excel tally up.

5. The end of social life. If you work Monday to Friday and study for a graduate degree and a CA degree on weekends, and want to pass, and do not want to be fired, something's gotta go. And that something is your social life.

6. I hardly ever swear *halo glows bright* but that will change.

7. Daily gossip (So what? I'm frank enough to admit that I gossip. And it's not a ladies thing. Men gossip a lot more. Trust me.) will go...
From: "X is dating Y on the sly! He told A, who wasn't supposed to tell anyone, A told B and B told me but I'm not supposed to tell anyone. I'm telling you, but you don't tell anyone, okay?"
To: "Did you know? Z steals paper clips from office stationery!! I had it from A, who saw him with her own eyes!" [On a random note, why do people say that? Who else's eyes would you see anything through?]

8. At the end of 4 years, only two things can happen. Either I will have become a depressed person for life, or I will have become so immune to it all that I will actually enjoy it. And I don't know which fate is worse. Probably the first. The latter will at least help me make money.

The good thing about the points that I have just listed is that they enable me to appreciate my present position. I can watch TV during the day, I don't have to take BS from ghastly bores (unless you count my books) and I can always waste time whenever I want to, just like all of today. [FYI - I have not worked at all today. I have at least 2 Umang assignments to do in the next 5 days, at least 2 Umang interviews to prepare for (again, in the next 5 days), and 600 pages of CPT Math to do. But I have not worked at all today. Do I hear you ask, "Why?" Answer: I am an idiaaat. A bleddy idiaaat.]

Meanwhile, please do tag. "I'm willing to tell you, I'm wanting to tell you, I'm waiting to tell you!" (About my 5 favourite places, the mess in my room, the people I hate, the type I love, my ideas of perfect dates, weddings, divorces, funerals, etc etc. Also where I stash my horde of chocolates, my best friends, my worst enemies, the colour of my curtains, my ringtone, the number of digits my calculator takes and so on.)


Added Later: Linking to Barkha Dutt's column is becoming a routine for me. There:

Added Even Later: For a few laughs, check out http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page ! Run searches for Wikipedia and George W. Bush and see what you get.