Things to watch / hear before you die:
1. "Tic tic tic"
What happens when you create an English song to use in a South Indian movie? This:
"Eef you come chuday... You are too yearly...
Eef you come toomaarow, you are too laayyyte...
You peeck the taaaaaaayme,
Tic tic tic tic tic tic, Ah, Tic tic tic tic tic tic,
(Those who know me may check out the same in the videos on my Orkut profile. Others, run a YouTube search for "tic tic tic" - trust me, it's famous.)
2. "Rukmani, Rukmani..."
In a bid to come up with the weirdest lyrics ever written in this nation, someone decided that this song would be their best bet - and why not? It comes in at number 2 on this list!
3. "Roop suhana lagta hai..."
This has to be watched. Hearing it will not complete the ecstacy. I won't spoil it for you, except to say that it has a South Indian hero and Juhi Chawla, dressed as if they're in medieval times, with a hundred sworded warriors behind them, doing a strange form of war dance in the middle of a desert.
Just by the way, why is every South Indian hero moustached? All these songs also remind me of this one school trip to Karnataka, when the TVs in our hotel rooms had only:
So we spent our free time watching South Indian movies and songs. And those of you who think that you can decipher a movie without knowing the language, think again. Here we were, 4 people in a room, a total of about a 100 14-year-olds, going bonkers over what we, in our childish racism, called "undu gundu."
There was this one song which was the crowning glory. I may not be able to explain it fully here, but I will try. The only word we understood was "Indra-dhanushhhhhh" which occured at regular intervals. There were 2 heroines (firm in their belief that puppy fat is cute) and 1 hero. 1 heroine was on the phone with the hero. The hero was simultaneously prancing around with the other. It wasn't even a cellphone, so don't ask how. So, on one hand, you have Heroine 1, cooing sweet nothings into the phone, on the other you have the hero, cooing back (on a landline). On the third hand (What, we can have only two hands, men? What about the Great Indian Mythology, eh, men?) you have the hero dancing through gardens, fields, lakes, forests, deserts, hills, plateaus (you name it, it's there) with Heroine 2. At the end of it, we decided that there are only 3 possible explanations:
1. The hero has a clone or a twin
2. The heroines are both the same (they all look the same somehow)
3. There's something going on between the heroines and they're making a fool out of the hero. (Well, we were 14.)
All in all, great entertainers.
[Note - I have nothing against South Indians. I love their food. And them. So all those looking for a fight, thanks, but no thanks.]
And while we're on the topic of "Things to watch before you die", let me also add this thing called "Kaun Banega Champu" on Filmy (every Sunday, 7.30). While the script is pretty silly, the guy who plays SRK deserves an award!! Every nuance, every look, every tone is copied and mocked at so perfectly that I'm in splits. Right from the irritating laugh, to the condescension, to the self-obsession... Hilarious. [SRK lovers... I still say to you... there is time. There is a way to be good again, as Rahim Khan would say.]
Also, listen to "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" by the PussyCatDolls... (insert spaces wherever). Blondest song of the century, the first time I heard it I thought it was supposed to be funny. Turns out it wasn't.
Watching "Aila Tendulkar" won't hurt either. While the gags are painfully stupid at times, the concept and the sheer uninhibition (word? check dictionary) make it a treat.
Also check out billboards and ads for this soap called "Doli Saja Ke". The tagline goes, "Paida hote hi mujhe ek naam diya gaya... manhoos." (Or some such thing) Anyone who relates to these soaps, please write in. I'd love to communicate with you (if you excuse the fact that I'm not an angelic, sacrificing, suffering young girl who mouths phrases like "mera kartavya" and "mera sansaar" et al) and figure out your psychology.
Genuine appreciation for a Van Heusen ad for their Women's Wear line. I don't remember details, except that it was great. I suppose being a high-end luxury product (by Indian standards at least) they have a target audience that they know will respond to something like this much better than the archetypal "Bhala uski saadi meri saadi se safed kaise?"
[Lame joke - What does Madhuri Dixit say when she meets M. F. Hussain?
"Bhala uski daadhi meri saadi se safed kaise?"]
And a query for all and sundry... I hate to be picky, but why do those compositions by Gwen Stefani come under the head of "music"? Eef you know, pliss tell. I'm waiting to find out, men!