February 09, 2008

Breaking News

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News of the week:


(Found this on India Uncut)

This gets me thinking, really, what the actual story would've been like.


Newsreader with grave look on his face: Aur aaj Big B, urf Amitabh Bachchan bhi Bambayi ki badhti sardi ka shikaar hue. Humein jaankaari mili hai ki aaj Bachchanji ne apne mobile phone *"mobile phone" enunciated as if speaking to 2 year olds* pe kisi se baat karte hue kaha, "Bahut thand ho gayi Bombay mein."


*Screenshot of these words typed out neatly in Hindi, presumably for the deaf*


Newsreader continues: Humare samvaaddata, Manoj Ghai, is samay (aur har samay) Big B ke ghar, Jalsa, ke bahar hai. Haan Manoj.


Manoj Ghai (idiot who looks grave too): Shukriya Amit, jaise ki aap dekh sakte hai, main iss waqt Jalsa ke bahar hoon. Yahaan pe Amitji apni patni, Jayaji, bete, Abhishek, and bahu, Aishwarya ke saath rehte hai.


Random viewer at home: Manoj, tu yeh 57734 baar bata chuka hai national TV pe.


Newsreader: Manoj, yeh bataiye ki wahaan ka vaatavaran kaisa hai?


Manoj: Yahaan ka vaatavaran kaafi sehma hua sa hai, Amit, kaafi log aaye hai Amitji se milne. Unhein thand lag gayi, iss baat se unke chaahak kuch pareshaan se hai.


Newsreader: Jee, jee... *sympathetic smile* Kya Amitji ne koi formal press statement diya hai?


Manoj: Nahi, Amit, magar jaisa ki aap dekh sakte hai *camera wobbles wildly and finally seems to settle on a few curious onlookers* kaafi press waale aaye hain yahaan pe... *Manoj gestures violently, camera wobbles in opposite direction to settle on a few TV cameras* aur sab ko Amitji ka besabri se intezaar hai. Sunne mein aaya hai ki woh khud press se aadhe ghante mein baat karenge.


Newsreader: Achha... aur kya aap hamare darshakon ko bata sakte hai ki baaki parivaar ke iss thand pe kya vichaar hai?


Manoj: Amit, iska toh sirf andaza hi lagaya jaa sakta hai. Jayaji aaj kal itni garam rehti hai ki shayad unhein thand mehsoos nahi hui hogi. Abhishek aur Aishwarya ko pyaar ki garmahat mehfoos rakhti hai.


*Valentine's Day ads flash on bottom of screen*


Newsreader: Er... achha... *looks at cue, then at camera* Jaisa ki aap dekh rahe hai, humare samvaaddata Manoj aap ke liye Bachchanji ka aankhon dekha haal laate rahenge. Shukriya Manoj.


Manoj: *grins, satisfied at having brought breaking news to the masses*


Newsreader: Doosri khabaron mein, Kolkata mein Amitji ke mandir mein unke fans ne mannatein rakhi hai ki Bambayi ki thand chali jaaye...


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7 comments:

Pratz said...

lolz.......... wow...thats sum breaking news [:P]

arjunzi said...

:-) that sad a place, eh ?? but i hafta agree with the press guy somehow always being around jalsa.. even the time when i came to bbay for like, 2 days, i saw random guy with camera standing somewhere around the place.. on my way to and from the station.. :)

"Abhishek aur Aishwarya ko pyaar ki garmahat mehfoos rakhti hai." lol, ltb, lmb, lol SABKA baap.. :-D

aditi said...

rotfl ..seriously mudra..im lmao..i loveddd it.. specially the * * waale comments..hehehehe..killer.. blog more often!

Bleue said...

LMAO! Suddenly i don't pity rakhi sawant as much as i did. If even a tenth of this news-report was actually aired, im convinced these 37 odd news channels on TV ek do saal mein sadak pe aa jaayenge. Or is 'ek do saal' too optimistic?
*shudders*
Oh whats that? Another news flash - raj thakrey's baby blue sweater has a tear on the left collar.
Pity..

Muddu - with such ease you manage to ridicule the already outrageously ridiculous! Jiyo.. :D

sushant said...

HAHAHAH !
fullon, fullon indeed!

yahan ka aankho dekha haal says its defnly news that summin can get one to smile even before a maths exam....

REALLY FUNNY!

Asterix said...

:)

I remember, during *the* wedding, press was passing off random sentences like "looks like someone in a black suit has entered Amitabh's house" as news!

Anonymous said...

Lux sit.