February 17, 2008

Why Your Facebook Life Is So Much Cooler Than Your Real Life

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Okay, okay, there are about 3 of you whose real lives are cooler. But I'm talking about the majority.

Wherever I go nowadays, I see people busy clicking pictures of themselves to upload on Facebook later. Of course, they won't say that. We're-just-clicking-pics-because-we-felt-like. Hah! I've done it too, I know. You're not fooling anybody. If people smile and humour you, it's because they want to tag themselves in these pictures.

In real life, you speak to people face to face. Or over the phone. You can't act funny because most of the time your conversation goes like this:
A: Haan, so, I was saying.. arre, what was I saying? Kuttey tune bhulva diya!
B: Chup kar, &^$#^&@, heh heh...
A: Abbe ^$#&@#^(, as in, like, dude...!
B: Like, whatever.

In your Facebook life, you can be funny. Because you can change that wall post 23 times before hitting "Post." And no one will know.

In real life, no one wants to know you. No, really. Nobody gives a shit what music you listen to, what books you read, what movies you love, which stars turn you on. What's more, if you tried to "quote" your favourite quotes to your friends, you would be met with any or all of the following:
a. Physical violence.
b. An oh-my-God-is-he-crazy? look.
c. A not-so-subtle attempt to pretend like they don't know you.

On Facebook, because you're talking to yourself more than others, you can lovingly list all your loves and hates. What's more, there are enough people who will read them too (More out of boredom than curiosity, but do you care? No, man, you're a Facebook junkie.).

In real life, no one asks you "What are you doing right now?"

On Facebook, well, Facebook wants to know. Correction: They don't want to know either, but they do know that you want to tell.

Nobody lets you play dumb games and silly quizzes in real life. If you do, you nearly always lose.

On Facebook, you win all the time. If you don't talk, you're "the strong and silent type"; if you do, you're "bubbly and vivacious"; if you're ugly, "you're unconventionally good-looking"; if you're dumb, you're "smarter than 33% of the people who took this test!".

In real life, people take pictures with cameras. Those pictures get developed and stored in physical photo albums. If you look ugly, you look ugly. End of story.

On Facebook, untag, untag, untag.

In real life you can't take back dumb things you say.
E.g. "Oh my God, are you serious?! THAT hairdo?!" *you immediate cringe*

On Facebook, you go, "omg........... tht hair????? wats rong mn...?!!!!" *you immediate delete* - Lot more effective. All that the person with the bad hairdo gets is "X posted on your wall" and no actual wall post.

In real life, if you stalked people, they'd take you to jail.

From a long experience of stalking various people on Facebook, I can tell you, it's immense fun and won't land you in jail. Provided you're stalking people whom you know, and they don't know that you're stalking them. Karo, karo. Find all those ex-crushes, find your bosses, find the people who dumped you, find the people you dumped, find the people who dumped your friends... stalk them all. You may lose interest in a day (I usually do), but then there are others to stalk.

In real life, you have about 8-9 people to whom you talk regularly and whom you would call good friends.

On Facebook, you have 523 friends, 27 Favorite Peeps!, and 78 Top Friends. Yeah, you love 'em all and they love you too. Call any of them at 3 a.m. and they'll be there for you. Hang on, do you have their phone numbers?

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10 comments:

shruti said...

call any of them at 3 and theyll be there for you....haha....
haan so what was i saying....lol...kuttey tune bhulva diya....lmao...by any chance have you qyouted any of our conversations....lol...
so true mudra...the whole picture clicking thing....so freakin true..

aditi said...

lol...dude..i do the photo thing too! and i totally stalk people ...i know whats going on in their lives because of facebook only!! and its soo addictive !! lol...too good..

They don't want to know either, but they do know that you want to tell.
hehehe....loved it !
keep them coming...cheers !

Manasi Soni said...

Believe it or not , I don't use my facebook a/c . And it's an over-generalization that ppl stalk ppl on Facebook ! I DO NOT stalk ppl on Facebook ! Orkut is WAY easier :) .

Li'l B'fly .. Maybe it's time u put up more pictures on Facebook :)

Moares said...

Hey Mudra

This is one heck of a blog and you're one heck of a writer! It didn't take me long to add your blog to my favourites.
I was really glad when I figured that you're at NM. I'm currently in the FYJC at NM, spending the better part of my junior college life trying to get around the wretched attendance rule.
Really liked your take on the HSC boards...'unslightly green book','unnecessary verbosity'...absolutely brilliant!!!..You'd put Jug, Bachi and the gang out of business *doffs hat*...Keep them coming, O Queen of Satire and Sarcasm

Asterix said...

Is there a "facebook sucks" or "I hate facebook" community on facebook? That would be ironic.

My favourite quote in that cartoon -- "2 requests pending to be an idiot!" :D

indiegurl said...

I'm not on facebook. Orkut put me permanently out of the market for annoying pseudo social-networking sites.

But when I DO get the urge to spy, I use a friend's account!! Hee, best of both worlds!

Ritika said...

oi read a blog of yours after ages!! must say missed it man!!
and i so do the picture thing too!! (and the tag - untag) :P

neway ages since v actuali spoke.. how u been.. articles nd all??
oh yeah maybe to keep in touch you cud scrap / post / watever me on facebook!! hahaha * kiddin *
keep in touch.. cya!!

Anonymous said...

I'm finally doing this!:D
i LOVE it!...and i would like to admit, with no qualms, that i do most of that stuff!:D...after all, once you've done checking your mail, done replying to wall posts, done with all the other 'important' stuff you have to do online...all you're looking for is some tp...and what other way eh?...:D
-kanika

Bleue said...

Hahaahaa!! Been there & done ALL of that! Except for - I really am not much of a poser so the randomly social photos will pass (for me at least) But the rest is ekdum true!! Lauuuu the post. Somebody's back (again) with a bang! Dhishkyaaoon!

'Someone you barely know did something of no interest to you, or indeed to anyone' :D

Cheers!
@Facebook: Die die DIE..another day!

arjunzi said...

one line only.

seriously. gtalk or infiniti mall ?? [:D]