July 30, 2008

I'm An Eminently Sane Young Person.


I'm not the kind of person who hangs posters of actors in my room.

Or watches their movies over and over again.

Or enqueues their songs on Winamp 20 times.

Or gets jealous of their wives (Seriously! Why would you?)

I don't waste my day at Film City trying to catch a glimpse of someone's toe.

If I see a star in a public place, I don't go to them. Or even take *autographs* (What's the big deal about them? Unless you plan to forge cheques, of course.)

I also don't believe they deserve more blog-space than 3 lines. Or more mind-space than 2 minutes.

But when I hear Farhan Akhtar sing "Tum Ho Toh" I melt into a puddle of mush and turn into the exact thing I thought I'd never be - crazy female fan.

Those who know me will know what it means when I say he's hotter than aapdo Hrithik Roshan. [Hotness = overall package, not just looks.]

And if Rock On! disappoints me (which is likely, considering I'm expecting so much from it) I'm going to be very... umm... disappointed.

Girls, you are allowed to agree and disagree. Gay men, you too.

Guys who have issues with his voice / looks / the prematurity of it all (considering the movie hasn't even released) need not comment.

Have a nice day.

Oh, here you go: Last Sunday's Eye


[5th post in a month?! How jobless am I?]

July 26, 2008

Bits Of Hatred - Instalment #2. The ICSE Student's Hatred for the Maharashtra State Board


(Warning: Longish post. Bits of Hatred always make long posts, I'm too vitriolic to pack my hatred into 1 sentence.)

Read this: Article No. 1

And this: Article No. 2

Or, if you don't have the patience to, here's a summary. Article No. 1 is about the MLAs in Maharashtra wanting to keep ICSE, CBSE and IB students out of its Junior Colleges. Reason? ICSE schools charge excessive fees, and there could be some financial scams going on. Article No. 2 is about the whole percentile nonsense.

The good part is that the Council is fighting hard to stop this nonsense. My favourite part of the article:
"The Council said its syllabus was more rigorous than the SSC syllabus and even attached a copy of an SSC and an ICSE board English paper to illustrate the difference between the two. The affidavit added that the ICSE board regularly updated and upgraded its syllabus to ensure a high quality of education and it was unfair to deny an ICSE student a seat in junior colleges because the state board had failed to upgrade its syllabus. "

Sometimes the Council makes me more proud than I can say.

But the point here is. I. Hate. The. Maharashtra. State. Board.

In spite of all the crap we've faced for being ICSE students, I will never say that I regret being an ICSE student. It's given me more than I can count, and it has been a defining factor for me as well as most of the people I studied with. It's the best education you can ask for (barring IB), with a board that respects application and practicality, and takes the pains to update its syllabus every year. It makes sure you learn enough, and makes sure it's just tough enough for you to not take it for granted.

The SSC board (or HSC) does none of those things. And they have their own constraints and problems, so I don't blame them for the way they are. Okay, maybe some of it is their fault. But then, if something is government-managed, it's a given that it's going to be outdated, inefficient, filled with corruption and of no real use to anyone. I spent 2 years in Junior College, dammit. I was shocked that profs still *dictated* notes (word for word, yes, and spelling out words that were more than 7 letters); and there were concepts we'd studied in the 8th. (This is not to say that the Mumbai University is any better. It's just that the Mumbai University is easier to ignore.)

But the point, the point! The point is simply this: Anyone who says ICSE students are rich brats who have it easy, or that our board throws marks around, or that we think we're too smart - is. bloody. wrong.

What the hell do the Maharashtra ministers (busy in their vote-grubbing exercises) know about education? How many of them are paanchvi pass anyway?!

Yes, ICSE schools are expensive compared to state board schools. But if you're saying there are no state board schools that charge similar fees, you're crazy.

Yes, the Council tends to be a little more lenient with the language papers than yours. But, considering the fact that we had to study Shakespeare (unabridged, un-simplified) and were expected to write essay-type answers about character developments, while you had "Who said to whom?" type stuff, I'd say we deserve some credit.

And about us thinking we're too smart - yes, there is a grain of truth. We kinda do have a chip on our shoulders. After all, when you arrive in 11th standard (state board) to find math you did in 8th grade and English you did in 4th grade, you tend to be a little cocky. Even the most biased of you can't deny this.

And while I'm on all of this, I must bring my personal ego into this. I can't help it. I simply feel like slapping SSC-types who ask me what I got in the 10th (BTW, people, that was 3 years ago. Why are you still asking me this?), and when I say 94.67, I get "Oh, but ICSE, na? Your Board is really lenient." B*****d, would you have got the same score if you'd been in ICSE? What bugs me is that any answer I make to this will simply beget an "Oh-look-at-the-ICSE-girl-be-snobbish" response. Which'll make me homicidal.

And with the whole Marathi-manoos nonsense (Shiv Sena, MNS, take a bow; between the 2 of you, you redefine stupid, immature, irresponsible, disgusting politics) things are only going to get worse. Every person in the state board hates ICSE and CBSE students already. (Don't believe me? Count the number of jibes by profs in a Junior College at ICSE students, or the complex paperwork required to make the transition from school to JC, the list goes on.) Now they will have a legal, professional, institutionalised way to do it. What with the bloody normalisation of marks, and trying to keep only SSC students in HSC, and trying to make Marathi compulsory for ICSE students... the Maharashtra State Board is punishing us, and how.

And the best part is, ICSE students are being punished not for being from a board that is inane and inefficient, but because we must be brought to a level of inanity and inefficiency equal to that of the Maharashtra State Board.

I think we're the only set of students in the world who are, effectively, spat on for having a good education.


PS - Among other things, *woohoo* to celebrity popats - Peru, take a bow!

PPS - Everyone who thinks that having a job makes you homicidal, say aye.

PPS - I'd blog about the cash-in-parliament if I had something to say. But really, the only part I found funny and ironical was the way they played Vande Mataram at the end of it all. Bunch of idiots.


Update: Ever had an SSC student tell you "ICSE students don't know grammar" simply because you didn't know the difference between a gerund and an infinitive, or what past participles and injunctives are? I've been told this, on several occasions, and it made my blood boil. But in retrospect, I just feel sorry for them, because this is a thought process that is born out of being educated by a board which is known for placing the emphasis on all the useless things.


July 25, 2008

You Know You're Losing It When...


- You look at your cellphone, it reads "12:36 PM" and the first thing you think is, "Hey! That's the Service Tax rate!"

- You press Ctrl + C on one PC, move to another one to work, then press Ctrl + V obsessively 7 times, wondering why it isn't pasting.

- You make fun of people who don't know what TDS is. Irrespective of the fact that it's not something anyone would want to know.

- You now know people who think a book's price should be directly proportional to the number of pages it has. And you don't have the energy to scoff at them.

- All you feel like doing is watching TV. Evenings, weekends, even mornings.

- You think lines like "Meri laundry ka ek bill..." are awesome lyrics.

- You get kicks out of picking fights. And your aggression levels are at an all-time high.

I think I'm becoming brain-dead.


July 13, 2008

Open Letters


Dear Ladies on "Splitsvilla",

Just one question. What are you doing this for? Love, money or fame? And once you answer, please think about which is worse. I still can't decide.


Dear Harman Baweja,

I wouldn't laugh if you'd failed, but now that you've tried being Hrithik Roshan and failed, yes, I am laughing.


Dear Himesh Reshammiya,

That haircut is meant for women.


Dear Farhan Akhtar, Hrithik Roshan, Pierce Brosnan, and a few others



Dear All,

You really will find it difficult to comprehend the extent to which your saying "so fun" instead of "such fun" pisses me off.


Dear People-Who-Whine-That-I-Don't-Keep-In-Touch,

Here's a newsflash: neither do you. You're just utilising the first mover's advantage by saying it first and thinking you have a moral upper ground.


Dear Bachchan parivaar,



Among other stuff, I read an article about lyrics in movies now being crap and all that, which is not really the truth but what do you say when you hear a song that goes:
Sadde naal kar le party,
Kudi tu lagti hai naughty,

Freaky freaky raat ho gayi.

Like, hello, party and naughty don't even rhyme. You'd have to say "naati" and that'd give it a whole different meaning. (Update: Or, well, "potty" in the first line. That, actually, makes the next 2 lines ring truer than they do now. But these are exactly the kind of cheap shots and stupid jokes that I try to avoid, so I should shut up now.)

(Okay, I promise. I will not use any pictures of Himya in future unless extremely integral to the entry. Sorry for having inflicted one on you today.)


July 01, 2008



Scene: My room.

I've switched off the PC, shut the book, and am about to go to sleep.

Loud buzzing sound makes itself heard.

Enter flying cockroach from extreme right.

Exit me from extreme left.

It's midnight. Everyone's asleep. My grandmother, who is the family specialist when it comes to catching and throwing out flying cockroaches, is asleep. My father, who's a close second, is asleep too. My mother, who is almost as bad as me at this, is also thankfully asleep. For a moment I toy with the thought of waking them up. But, dammit, I'm 19, am I not? I can deal with this myself. I shut the door and try self-hypnosis.

Okay, relax, it's a stupid bug.
It's HUGE!
No, it's just gross to look at.
Well, it can't harm you.
It could give me a heart attack!
Oh, come on.
Come on what?!
Maybe it'll go out of the window.
The hell it will!
Maybe you should try catching it.
Well, what can it do?
It can fly into my face. It can crawl up my leg. It can touch my arm. It can...
Okay, stop. Stop. See if you can locate it.

Quick glance into the room proves that it's sitting on the floor and not buzzing around.

See? Maybe it's tired now.
Those things don't get tired!
Hey, maybe you could go to sleep, maybe it'll just scuttle around the floor.
The bugger has WINGS!
Oh. Well... yeah. Try catching it. Go on. Come on. Try it.

So I pick up a jhadoo and a napkin and walk towards the damn thing. I'm 6 inches from it, it hasn't moved, and I'm thinking, "Okay, this is good so far; I'm calm, what can it do to me?"

Then the bloody insect flutters its wings. And I'm out of the room, faster than Vivek Oberoi on sighting Salman Khan.

Another half an hour of self-motivation outside my own room follows. So, then, I do the thing a sane adult would. Run into my room, pick up my pillows and sheets, move some stuff in my parents' room and go to sleep there.

Hey, those things are scary.


This was gonna be one of those posts with *ahem* visual aids, but then my better self took over.