September 24, 2008

Happy (2nd) Birthday to Blog


Just realised this blog has been around for more than 2 years now. How? Much like your relative, I have this strong urge to say, Arre-dekho-Munnu-kitna-bada-ho-gaya!!

[ I'd assumed I'd give up in a few months out of boredom. But the thing about blogging is, it's such a perfect remedy for all the people with no lives -people who are bored, narcissistic, self-absorbed, and under-performers in their actual field of study/work (yes, I am all of those, and more)- that it's impossible to quit. What to do? Much like a bad relationship, this blog survives solely because it's a habit, and once in a blue moon, it has its good moments. (Deep, no? :P) ]

Yes, I realise this is a dumbass entry and thanks to all the new sidebars which update themselves automatically, this blog will show up for no reason. As a concession, no one will be blackmailed and bribed into commenting this time round.

Spread the joy.


September 17, 2008

Random Thoughts for the Day


Only in India: The entire "First Family of Filmdom" (why I hate them is a story we shall leave for the long rainy afternoons) apologises to the Chief Goon of Maharashtra. What for? For Lady B exercising her freedom of speech.


Every couple (and I mean every couple) that has just gone *official* does exactly the same thing:

1. Call confidante [Yes, that'd be me. All the time. No, seriously. I'd kid myself into believing that I'm a *good listener* but I think it's just the fact that I don't get over-interested. It makes people feel safe. Maybe. Humans are strange.]

2. Rave on [No issues here, ab nahi karoge toh kab karoge? :) ]

3. Develop a sudden desire to set up said confidante with various people.

Can't they eliminate Step 3? Maybe it's unconscious. Maybe they want to spread the joy. Very aww individually, but when they all do it unfailingly, it gives you a fascinating insight into human nature - everyone's exactly the same. Single people reading this (there are, what, 2 of you?) does this happen to you too?


Finally, some gems from our educational system:

It is made clear that an auditor is a watch dog, not a blood hound
- Audit notes
(But either way, he clearly is a dog.)

Internal Control over employees:
...Every member should be encouraged to go on leave at least once a year. Frauds come to light during such a leave period.
- Audit notes again
(So the next time your boss encourages you to take leave - which boss does, by the way? - you will know why.)

A promises B to attend the dinner and fails to attend. This promise certainly does not create a legal obligation on the part of A to enable B to sue A for the price of non-consumed food.
- Law book
(I've always said, Law - the academic portion of it - is the art of stating the blindingly obvious in a mindbogglingly (word?) ridiculous manner. Which host would want to sue a guest for not turning up? I'd be thrilled.)


Heroooooo... Hero Hondaaaaaaa...
Heroooooo... Hero Hondaaaaaaa...
Dhak, dhak, go!

One word: Eww.

(Disclaimer: The above is not to be construed as a criticism of Tic Tic Roshan. His only fault is bad taste. What do the people at Hero Honda think they are, though? Madhuri Dixit?)


Yes, this is a fully faltoo blog. What to do, men. Given up the bluddy pretence of creativity also, men. (Fully faltoo se I remember, watch Lost In Translation on MTV. It brings back the MTV we once loved - before Splitsvilla, Teen Drama Queen and other sundry lame shows happened.)


September 09, 2008

Social Servant? Here's what you can do.

Be Blind, To Serve The Blind.

I really want to meet the person who wrote that. Maybe it actually makes sense in some way.


We sit at the same table,
They told me you were wonderful,
That I'd love you from the first moment.
And I wonder now, "Do they even know me?"

Something's missing.
You're not exactly hot, but that'd be fine
If you stimulated my mind.
The ones before you did... and how.
You're too mild... almost nondescript.
There's no... what's the word?
There's no character to you.
And I hate to be trivial, but... the way you smell!
Horrifyingly wrong.

I try to be polite.
I can't just walk away.
But I've had a bad day,
And this is really not helping.

I look around furtively,
Suddenly, I realise, there are many like us,
Many like us, sitting right here.
I wonder what's going through their minds.
Do they find this as insipid as I do?

I focus on you again,
And I sigh.
I just can't go through with this.

On an impulse,
I turn around.
I've tried enough to like you
And it's impossible.
I yell out to the waiter,
"Arre boss, coffee mein bilkul dum nahi hai!"


I know I write terrible poetry. But that doesn't stop me. :) I was forced to write poetry at Malhar recently after a gap of over a year, and I had a lot of fun. So maybe there'll be another section now for Attempts at Poetry.

And people who've read my other blog for very long now (just Peru, I think) will know that this is very very similar to another poem I wrote. Apparently only coffee brings out the bad poetry in my soul.

Also, question open for all - was this one really predictable or is that just my imagination?


September 01, 2008

Reading and Misc (This is how I label folders in Windows Explorer.)


Why everyone should read Yes, Prime Minister (or watch the series, really, but the book is wayyy funnier):

I decided it was time to remind Humphrey who was boss.
"Humphrey, who has the last word about the government of Britain? The British Cabinet or the American President?"
He sat back, crossed his legs, and considered the matter for a moment.
"That's a fascinating question, Prime Minister. We often discuss it."
"And what conclusion do you come to?"
"Well, he replied, "I have to admit I'm a bit of a heretic. I think it's the British Cabinet. But I know I'm in a minority."

Why everyone should read Wodehouse:
"What did he say?"
"I cannot recall his exact words, sir, but he drew a comparison between your mentality and that of a cuckoo."
"A cuckoo, eh?"
"Yes, sir. To the bird's advantage."

It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.

Over-generalisation: Is all good humour by British authors? Wodehouse, Douglas Adams, Helen Fielding (okay, chick-lit, but pretty damn funny), Sue Townsend (drags sometimes, but still), even Jeffrey Archer (at times), Gerald Durrell? I can't seem to recall any American writer of humour. Then again, it could be the fact that my reading is very limited and very mainstream.

Grouse #1: While we're on books, will someone explain why Agatha Christie novels are being made into those... graphic novels? Is that the term? Or any novel, for that matter. They look like bad comic books. I sincerely want to know what the point is. Help kids read? Make adults read? Replace Betty & Veronica Double Digest?

Grouse #2: Also, I register my hatred for ladies (or men) in bookstores who yell to someone on their cellphone, let their kids run amok, and look at books, not read the title / author / blurb. Sample these (all overheard in Crossword):
"Haan, Jigna, mane book levi chhe... Discount voucher kaale expire thaaye chhe. Aiya bau badhi chhe... kai saari chhe?" (Translation: Yeah, Jigna, I want a book. My discount voucher expires tomorrow. There are lots here... which one's good?)
*volume equal to that at which Raghu Dixit shouts in that song of his* "Hello? Haan, boss, sau rupya bacha hai... Kaun si loo? Kuch khaas nahi dikh raha yahaan pe..."

The last time I encountered a lady whose kid was running amok, I gave her such a dirty look that when I turned and left, I heard her tell her husband in a whisper, "Kaise dekh rahi thi..."

makes me feel good. Though Crossword is kinda losing its charm. Half the store sells shirts now. Major piss-off. Just an armchair or two left. Must switch to Landmark. But I really don't like how Landmark is structured. Hard to explain, but I don't.

Grouse #3: Mothers who ask me what they should make their kids read. How would I know? Just because I sneak a book into every social gathering (I'd die of boredom otherwise) doesn't mean I'm an authority. Let 'em read what they want to. Let 'em not read if they don't want to. We grew up choosing our own books, first Enid Blyton, then Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, then classics, then RK Narayan, then contemporary Indian fiction... some people went crazy over Roald Dahl (I never took to him, somehow), Sweet Valley, some horror series... A lot of the books we read back then seem funny and silly now. I remember picking up a Nancy Drew a few months back, and being shocked that I ever enjoyed it. But the point, the point! Why must parents force books down their kids' throats? Leave them alone. If they want to read, they will.

This is, as you can see, one of the more rambling entries. Sunday effect.


I have this urge to do a tag about my favourite male fictional characters. No one tagged me, (no one ever does), so I should start taking matters in my own hands and doing whatever tags I feel like. But this particular tag will probably turn into a mush-fest, so I'm leaving it for when I have absolutely nothing to write about.


Anyone who expects a Rock On!! review is hereby disappointed. I'm too biased. But just as a note, consider this: Akhtar can write, direct, act, sing, dance and look super-hot. And he has a gaze to die for. (Okay, not literally, but quite an awesome one.) AND he beats Ranbir Kapoor hands down in the towel department. Haha. Go, Farhan! (Unabashed groupie-giri. Can't resist. Peru, join in.)