December 13, 2009

You Must Be a CA Student If...

- When someone says "UPA", you don't think of Manmohan Singh, or Sonia Gandhi, or the United Progressive Alliance.

- When you talk to people studying anything else and complaining about how tough it is, you just about manage to adopt an understanding expression. In your mind, though, you're going, "Blah blah blah blah blaaaaah!"

- When you see people in cafes on weekday afternoons (if you happen to be commuting from one office to another - and of course you do that a lot) you get this feeling of jealousy. So you console yourself by thinking that 3 years down, you'll have paisa and they won't. Somewhere in your mind, of course, you know that's a lie.

- You're in Andheri East or at Dadar at 7 a.m.

- You're at Andheri or Dadar station at 10 a.m., running.

- You pretend to like what you're doing.

- You can fool non-finance people into believing that you know everything there is to know about taxes, the law, costing, and management.

- You don't fool anyone in your office.

- But you don't care, because everyone uses Google.

- You don't understand most of the budget. But you pretend you do.

- You care more about Kangna Ranaut than the Economic Times. But you won't admit it. Ever!

- You get a secret joy out of making people twice your age run around for you because you're an "auditor". (And the fact that they hate you is something you are proud of.)

- If you're in Bombay, you're Gujarati or Marwari. You could be a South Indian or a Maharashtrian, but you'd just be an oddity then.

- You tell younger people not to pick CA. You forget that someone else told you that, 3 years ago, and you didn't listen.

- You know who JK Shah is. Heck, over the years, his building has become your home.

- You complain about how much CA classes cost. But you won't enrol for the Insti's coaching.

- Your wardrobe of casuals has 5 shirts. That sustains you without repetition for over a month.

- You're in college. At least, well, according to the college's records you are.

- Every place you pick to go to with other CA friends is located near a railway station. Always. (Unless it's Sunday.)

- Your idea of a Sunday is to wake up late and not do anything. Needless to say, JK Shah and college ensure that that won't happen.

- You laugh at college exams and the level of the university's teaching. But somehow, you never manage to ace any of those exams.

Non-articles (yes, that's what we are, don't run from the name, what can you do, it's there, it'll stick) you won't get most of this. It's okay. You're in a good place in life, believe me. :D

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Updated to add: Inspired from here.

November 06, 2009

Return From The Dead - Umpteenth

You go off on a vacation for 6 days, you come back, you read your email, you check Facebook, you transfer your pictures from cameras and phone cameras to the PC, you catch up on the blogs you read... And you're ready for a vacation again. :P

Enough has been happening, but most of it is not stuff I will put up here. Actual reason for not posting here is simply that I have nothing to write about. Ta-da! That's it. I don't right now either, but hey, I like attention, and if I stop posting, you stop commenting, and we can't have that happening, can we?

In the meanwhile:

I'm on Twitter. Do not follow. There is nothing to follow. The day that account has stuff for you to read, I will unveil (!) it here. Properly. With just the right amount of self-praise and deprecation.

I'm also watching Bigg Boss 3. Just like all of you. Oh c'mon. You do. Yes? *nudge* Don't you? *nudge* Of course you do. *nudge*

Which is why I draw your attention to the sheer brilliance of a show where Raju Srivastava tells Rohit Verma, "FD? [Fixed Deposit i.e.] Tere FD mein dupatton ke alaava kuch hai?" This, fresh on top of some legen -wait for it- dary (Yes, I've fallen prey to that sitcom as well) bai-acting from RS, megalomania from Vindoo, mood swings from Mr Irani, desperate Hindi-cramming from Claudia Somethingortheother, much tobacco-chewing by Ismail Darbar and absolutely wonderful la-di-da behaviour from Poonam Dhillon. This Bigg Boss kicks every previous Bigg Boss' posterior. (Have seen 1, haven't seen 2, but that's neither here nor there.)

Promos for 3 Idiots are out. I lowe. It has all the effervescence of a mainstream college flick. (Also I really like all 3 lead actors since a looooong time. Not as much as the more obvious ones - but there's something very endearing about Sharman Joshi & Madhavan.) God knows what the movie's like, though. A small voice in my head is going, Whatever it is, it can't *ruin* the book. Though you have to admit - there's something about a guy who can make an entire generation read something, even if it's just 1 book in 10 years.

Meanwhile, vacation picture:


Aaaaaand what else?

PS. Blog is 3 years old. (And a few months, but I just realised so, er, whatever.) Mail your chocolates, food, Hrithik Roshans and so on to me. I'll pass them on to the blog. While exercising my discretion, of course.

October 04, 2009

And You Are?

Me: Hi, I'm Mudra.
Person: Oh okay. And you are...?
Me (nonplussed): Mudra...? [Mentally - "A girl?" "A CA student?" "A college student?" "Confused?"]
Person: No, I mean, what are you?
Me: Oh, I'm an intern.
Person: No, no, I know that, but... what's your surname?

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Why do all movie theatres have plush entrances and escalators, and then want you to exit via a crowded narrow staircase with zero ventilation?

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Who likes Govinda? Yes, I know it is considered extremely downmarket to admit it, but come on, don't you? Who else can do Kendi Paw! and Aunty No. 1 and itniii-khushi and amorous-chacha roles?

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And oh oh. Who gives 12 (twelve!) Priyanka Chopras to 1 Harman Baweja?!

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Will someone get The Perfect Bride off air? I know, democracy and free market and all that, but duuuuuuuuuude!

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Oh and I watched about half an hour of Gunda. Man!

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I'd get on Twitter if it was called something else. I'd also be able to tolerate zoozoos if they were called something else.

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September 30, 2009

Thought For The Day

The true test of character isn't how well you stand up for yourself. Standing up for yourself, in most cases, is just self-preservation - not necessarily bravery. The real test is whether you manage to stand up at all for someone else.

September 05, 2009

Things Every Person Should Know About The Harbour Line

1. If you can't cuss in Marathi, you should stand on the station and help people get onto the train that you want to get on.

2. The normal rules of civilisation (e.g. allow people to alight first and then get on) which you learnt on WR do not apply here. Whether you want to get on or get off, elbowing and pushing and screaming is the way to go.

3. Your shoulder bag is your weapon. Use it on people's faces.

4. Never, ever, let anyone go without a fight. Not only will you release your pent-up feelings, the others in the compartment will get some good old-fashioned masala entertainment. They can't turn their heads to look at you (because their necks are jammed between people's arms) but they will be able to hear "Maa-baap pe mat jaa!" and "Yedi" and so on. [Yes, Ladies dabba. Makes you wonder what happens in the general.]

5. If you're the kind who wonders why pedicures are important and why people can't take care of their own feet - travel on the Harbour line on a rainy day.

6. Don't count on anything. Trains may not stop where they are supposed to.

7. Use hair oil. It's the easiest way to express your hatred for womankind.

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Among other news, I'm extremely gratified to find that Google searches for "ketan parekh birth chart" and "Jamvanu su chhe" have led people to this blog. I hope you are not disappointed. Aavjo...

September 03, 2009

Just a Thank-You Note

Dear God,

Thank you for helping me pass The Exam. (CA Level 2, for the rest of you)

I promise you, in return for you aseem kripa (because I don't see what else this could be), for the final level, I will be a good girl.

I will spend more time inside class than at the bookseller (who sells great fiction at good prices, by the way!) outside class.

I will not write down hilarious grammatical and logical errors made by profs at the back of my book for future reference. I understand that when I say they will help me remember better, I am actually just being a hypocritical child who wants cheap entertainment - not just now, but 5 months later too, when I will turn to the back pages of my book first to see what I wrote.

I will focus on the subject matter of my books. I will not write "LOL!" in the margins and flip through the book looking for LOLs.

I will not proofread. Pointless, and too much fun, really.

I will make notes. I will not hopelessly underline things I shall never read again.

I will read. I will not launch into what-if situations of great amusement but little productivity.

I will solve problems. Will not stop solving halfway, and write "Aaargh" in large letters over the page.

I will wake up.

I will not land up in Prithvi Cafe when I'm supposed to be studying.

I will not buy books I don't end up using.

I will not photocopy sections of textbooks 2 weeks before the exam, hoping to read them, and never managing to.

I will not question your existence by the logic of if-this-course-exists-it's-obvious-you-don't.

That's it, really.


Love,
Mudra

August 19, 2009

I Have Seen Very Little of This Show But...

what strikes me as funniest about Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao is that:


People on screen talk in English
|
|
v
Their lines are translated into Hindi
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|
v
The translated Hindi line is written on the bottom of the screen
|
|
v
In English.


(Y'know, the English alphabet. Like if someone says I'd never eat that, what appears on the bottom of the screen is Main kabhi woh nah khaati - as opposed to मैं कभी वो नही खाती। - More power to Blogger, Hindi publishing etc.)



Check it out. Like, dude, exactly whom are you simplifying things for? The junta that knows only Hindi, but can read English?

August 16, 2009

August 15, 2009

...

Thought for the Day: Why do blogs see a dip in activity on weekends, especially Sundays and public holidays?

Look at it logically. You're working on weekdays. So what are you doing? Blogging at work?! Or coming home all tired, and saying, "Okay, lemme write a hilarious post about Salman Khan!"

Is it the fact that on weekends you're not frustrated enough with your life to blog? Or maybe you're just sleeping?

How about the fact that even readership (i.e. number of hits) is higher (!) during the week. Which explains what your boss has suspected forever. That none of you are working, really.

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I'm on my way to taking this blog back to what it was. Regular, short and devoid of sense/reason almost all the time.

I'm saying this now because making the disclaimer takes away:
- the guilt that usually goes with badly written pieces,
- the need to think before I write,
- the need to be politically correct,
- the need to be correct at all,
- the need to please an audience (!),
- the thinking and re-thinking before blogging

This feels good. :) Have a nice weekend. :)

August 07, 2009

Bits Of Hatred - Instalment #3. Pseudo-bookworms. (And, well, it's a random post as usual so there's some other crap also to read.)

I read Kim's post on books and it's got me thinking. My own reading habits are pretty much going downhill. Tragedies, I can't stand. Horror, I abhor. Philosophy makes me puke. Hardcore romance I've always avoided anyway.

Which, really, leaves me with Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham, a couple of classics, a few Somerset Maugham short stories... and, well, the standard Christies and Wodehouses and 'Yes Ministers' and Douglas Adams and so on, but that's different.

Don't ask me what happened in the last Jeff Archer or John Grisham I read. I won't remember. And believe me, with all the authors I've just mentioned, once you've read enough of each, every piece of fiction seems pretty much same as the other.

Why, then, is popular fiction so... popular? To draw a (horrible) parallel - they're like David Dhawan movies. Sab same hai, you can laugh once and waste time without getting emotionally or mentally involved, and walk out feeling like it was worth the cheap price. (Note to everyone - buy these second-hand. [I would say pirated, but that's unethical, y'know? Bad people do that. *hides her books*])

And while I'm on books (this was a point that actually occurred to me while reading the post I linked), and well, as usual, I get lost in my own train of thought and come where I'm supposed to later and...

Ah the point is - know those people who make a parade of being "voracious" readers? I. Can't. Stand. Them. (Mainly because of their attitude. And at this tiny level because "voracious" is such a ridiculous word, really.)

Buy books. Don't break away from a group of friends to go into a bookshop because you want "this book on Tao philosophy, you know, like, it's supposed to be, like amazing?!"

Don't announce loudly to everyone that you'll "just be back in a minute" and then spend an hour in there deliberately making it look like you can't tear yourself away. When we come in, we find you stuck on stationery. (Hey, I'm all for stationery, don't get me wrong. Just say you want purple pens. I like 'em too.)

Don't bring books into random conversations that have nothing to do with them. Don't lie about what you're reading / want to read / have read. Sooner or later, someone will figure out.

Don't announce every book you begin to read. You're going to lose steam halfway through, and on my bitchier days, I will make sure I ask you, "So, you finished that book you started 2 months back?"

Do not recommend a book that is bullshit but sounds *fundoo*. Someone will pick it up some day and curse you and your pathetic taste.

If you ask me to recommend something, and I ask you what kind of stuff you like usually - please, please, please do not say "Arre everything yaar." Books aren't dessert.

Aunts who will ask me what their kids *should* read -I've talked about this before- will you please leave them alone? When I was a kid, I took instructions from no one and read whatever came my way. It's simple, really. Goosebumps if they want, Sweet Valley High if they want (both absolutely disgusting series', but who am I to say?) Nothing if they want. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Get it? Nothinggggg. It's better if little Pappu grows up reading Bombay Times and likes you for it, than if he reads Thomas Carlyle and hates you -and me- for it.

(By the way, I believe the good old Enid Blyton and Nancy Drew and what-not are being replaced by these stupid American high-school romances and bully-stories. Oh, and golliwogs in Blyton are considered racist. WTF moments like these make me feel very very old. Such is life. Take me into a Scholastic exhibition and I will cry. [Scholastic, I love you guys - you gave me money and all - but your selection... *shudder*]).

I realise this post is more about my intolerance than anything else. But then, intolerance is what our world is based on, so I'm allowed to add my two bits, am I not? Thank you.

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No, I don't know when I'll post again.

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No, I don't think you should watch Love Aaj Kal.

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No, I don't really mourn for Michael Jackson.

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Yes, I do think Obama stole the campaign chants from Bob the Builder. (Bo-o-o-ob the Builder - Yes, We Cannn!)

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Please feel free to rant in the comments section. (Not that I need to tell you lot that now.)

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PS - How many of you think a move to Wordpress is a good idea? How many of you love this blog (with its BS posts and lame colour scheme) too much to let go and will cry into your pillow every night if I move?

June 21, 2009

The Dummies' Guide to Driving

(I've been driving for 2 years or more now. On Bombay roads. And I've had zero accidents. That ought to tell you how good I am. :D)

1. Everyone on the road should have been placed in an aslyum 17 years ago.

2. There is no such thing as a sidewalk/footpath. The road, lanes and parking space are all extensions of a footpath. So even if someone is crazy enough to walk in the middle of the road and you bump into him - you're a drunk driver and ought to go to jail.

3. If you have an accident, it doesn't matter who did it. All that matters is who is richer. If you're in a car, for example, and you hit a pedestrian (no matter how deranged he is), you did it. If you're in a Mercedes and you hit a bike that was speeding like nobody's business on a busy street - you did it. So it's also good to keep in mind - if you are a really bad driver, it's best to drive around Juhu. You'll crash into a rich dude and make him pay for the repairs because the crowd that gathers on a hot afternoon, well, just hates him, in his AC car.

4. The horn does not say "Let me go first" or "Move on" or "Choose a lane and stick to it, goddamit!" (Though those are interpretations.) The horn is simply a power tool. Whoever toots it first can do whatever the hell he wants, and later say, "Arre lekin horn toh bajaya! Sunayi nahi deta kya?" (People will justify anything from cutting lanes at 80 kmph to crashing into you, with this line.)

5. Children will run across roads like it's their playground. So when you see anyone below 15 years even 10 feet away, slow down. A child being halfwitted is still not reason enough to land him in hospital. Also note that if a person playing gully cricket runs backwards towards you to take a catch, you must at least stop, if you don't have the heart to cheer.

6. An upraised hand means stop. It doesn't matter if someone puts their hand up at the exact minute when the signal goes green. You wait for them to amble across their property (you're just a trespasser on the roads, you honking irritating creature) and then you drive on.

7. Zebra crossings are paint on roads, and nothing more.

8. Every time someone waves their hands at you furiously in a "WHAT THE HELL" gesture, you do it right back.

9. Your prime enemies are: Buses, trucks, bikes, scooters, bicycles and pedestrians. The 1st 2, because they own the road. The last, because no matter what they do, you will be blamed for the consequences.

10. An autorickshaw can fit anywhere. Period.

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Hellew, yes, I'm back. Major thanks to the people who told me to blog. I have such dedicated readers. Aww. I love you all, and there's lots of India TV, SRK-bashing, AB-phooing, crap-discussing coming your way.

And since I'm back after exams, here's a thought on my education - or anyone's, for that matter (and because I'm back after exams, duh, it's got to be scientifically presented):

(Click for better resolution)


Random Thought of the Day - (I know elections are over and all that, but I'm blogging after so long, no?) The Bachchan parivaar supports Samajwadi Party, yes? So leave aside the fact that they would vote for a party that's going, "Down with computers, down with English!" (How come no one shouts, "Down with Karan Johar!"), considering they live in Andheri, do they vote for Abu Azmi?
(I realise that I just discussed the Bachchan parivaar's voting tendencies. This clearly puts me just half a notch higher than India TV which has an all-consuming interest in AB Sr's cough.)

March 25, 2009

You Must Be a Gujju If... (Non-Gujjus, please ignore)

- You have at least 1 relative in the stock market.

- You're never worried about what happens if you get stranded in Ghatkopar. All you'd have to do, you know, is walk across the road and find a relative. (Still easier, just shout, "Mama! Masi! Faiba! Kaka!" a couple of times. At least one is bound to be around.)

- You don't worry about being stranded in New Jersey. You've been told by everyone that the thing to do at such a time is to open the telephone directory, turn to "Shah" and call any number for help.

- You measure the success of a wedding by how many people praised the food.

- You believe Narendra Modi is the solution to everything. From your hair to the nation's defence.

- You understand that when someone says "Dhirajbhai no babo" or "Maniben ni baby", the "baba" and "baby" in question could be 40 years old.

- You either think the garba is the coolest thing ever, or you wonder why the whole world makes such a big deal out of it.

- No packing for any trip is complete without thepla.

- Winter = undhiyo.

- Summer = keri no ras.

- Monsoon = have su karvanoo?!

- You assume (in marital situations) that because Mara bhai na vevai ni dikri na sasu gave a recommendation, the person in question is virtue personified.

- You have no problems with love marriages. You just view them as a last resort, that's it.

- You may not donate anything to the orphanage down the road, but when there's a calamity in Gujarat, you send truckloads of money, food and amenities.

- You feel a slight sense of pride in Ketan Parekh, no matter how much you hide it.

- You think the G-U-J-J-U sequence in Kal Ho Na Ho was rather cool, actually.

- You're so attuned to smiling and laughing for no reason at any given social occasion, that funerals become odd for you. (Non-Gujju funerals, that is. At Gujju funerals, everyone has the same problem, so they understand.)

Updated: A few more:
- You know what "doodh cold drink" (pronounced doodh coal dreenk) is.

- Sunday mornings = Gathiya and jalebi. From Trupti, if you live in the suburbs.

- The road outside Borivali Station doesn't scare you to death.

(Check out comments section for more contributions. :D)

March 16, 2009

This is not a post

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This is an update, to tell you that I'm trying (hard, very hard) to cut down on internet time.

*points forcefully with grim expression, like Sansani's anchor* Which means that you suffer.

I will try to follow a Sunday-ke-Sunday routine with the internet. Peru does it, and does it well, and I'm inspired.

I will comment on all your blogs, hopefully, next weekend.

I will check your emails, hopefully, next weekend.

I will reply to all your wall posts, hopefully, next weekend.

I will reply to all the notes, status messages, and every-other-piece-of-addictive-Facebook-crap, hopefully, next weekend.

Yes, I now may not reply to comments on my blog. Yes, I am trying hard not to blog at all. Yes, I'm advising you to not comment on this post because, really, there's nothing to comment about.

Until then, I leave you with a generic comment for all your blogs:
"Awesome post!! Brilliant work!!"

No, really, I do love all the blogs on my sidebar. :) May your tribe increase.

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Oh, and the picture for the week:

Maybe this auto is jointly owned by SRK and Amitabh Bachchan?

March 01, 2009

I Don't Post So Often But...

...This astounds me. Highlight of the article:
Recently, the government also asked the education department to start distribution of uniforms to students of Std I to IV. The uniforms are for Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, Christian, Jain and Parsi students studying in government-approved all aided/non-aided primary schools.

Someone tell me it's a typo. Or a mistake. Or that the person who took the decision was stoned when he signed, but thankfully some babu (who miraculously happened to be around and not asleep) noticed and got it cancelled.

It's blindingly obvious to anyone who lives in Bombay or India that purely from an economic perspective, Parsis, Jains and Sikhs are much likelier to have the money (or their own charities to fund them) to buy uniforms as compared to Hindus.

Politically incorrect? How politically correct is what the State Government is doing? Screw politically correct, what about ethically correct?

What I really want to know is if they can come up with a reason for this. Help me out on this one. How do you justify this? Hindus are the majority, and we have budgetary constraints, so we'll just cover the minorities? Or the famous we-must-protect-our-minorities line? Or have reservations been extended to minorities sometime recently while the nation was sleeping?

No, I'm not a VHP person. I'm not even one of those people who shouts, "Hindus are the true minorities now!" from the rooftops, because I don't believe that. Yes, minorities have been discriminated against in the past. But we're talking uniforms and money here, aren't we? And anyone in this country will readily admit, poverty hits everyone. Except Shah Rukh Khan.

At times like these, you begin to wonder if there's really any difference. Which party is in power, who the CM is, who the Education Minister is, which idiots make up the Legislative Assembly. It's all the same dirty politics, isn't it? Religion-based bribes to the parents of little kids by scumbag politicians who wouldn't be doing this if they even understood what education means.

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February 28, 2009

...

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Every time I read portions of The Namesake, what blows me away the most is that it's written so effortlessly in present tense.

I'm on a Jhumpa Lahiri OD... again. I really need to find new authors.

And to all and sundry, please read books before they're made into movies. That way, you're buying them when they still haven't had beautiful cover designs replaced by film shots.

Anyone care to talk about how the books-vs-movies thing affects you? Even when the movies are really well-made, I feel a faint sense of being cheated, because now I won't ever be able to visualise the book the way I did before I watched the movie. Right from what a character looks like to what a situation feels like - it's made so tangible and visible by a movie that it takes away the depth to some degree. The answer should be to not watch them at all, of course, but curiosity is a powerful thing.

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February 18, 2009

Why I Love My College

...Because people do this to notices:

(Pardon my lousy censoring.)


...And because advertisements like these are found randomly lying on canteen tables:

(Wouldn't you kill to be part of movies such as these?!)

Images courtesy: Prerna Lalwani, Apurva Chaudhari (that's her hand :D), me.

Yes, it's fun to be in college all day. Even if it is to study in the "liabrary". One sneaks into neighbouring colleges gleefully, rejects their coffee disdainfully (?), and eats gluttonously.

Added later: When in the neighbouring college, one sees that there's an extra floor marked with "P" between floors 2 and 3, and the conversation proceeds thus:
Me: What's P for?
Peru: Dunno. Umm...
Me: Paune-teen?
Yes. Every once in a while, I can compete with the worst of the PJ Kings.

"And may I add, one barges into their 'P' floor, makes friends with the liftman & calls the coffee man a pervert, sits on the footpath & bitches about JCs with waxed chests, whistles at boys, tries to break into the terrace, buys 7 coloured pens.. Oh good God this list is unending. I'll miss this gravely.."
- Prerna Lalwani, partner-in-crime, in the comments section. I love her comment enough to put it here. Go, Peru!
[Er, I mean she said it in the comments section and she's the partner-in-crime (among others) in college.]

February 16, 2009

I Blog Therefore I Am

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To those of you who have not seen Dev D yet (and who don't have issues with cussing/substance abuse/other stuff on screen)... Please do.

To those who would rather see Billu (Barber) than Dev D, please don't.

To those who wouldn't see either, keep your halo safe.

To all, I hope you're all well and are coming back to this blog forlornly, saying, "Why no new post? I want new post. I'm dying to read."

To those about to take exams, all the best and may you survive.

To those frustrated with work, grin and bear it. Recession hai, you oughta be thankful you still have jobs.

To those frustrated with neither exams nor work, if you exist, please leave a comment.

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No, that's all. Really. Now go read something that makes sense. :)

January 30, 2009

...

I louwe (really lau, in fact) Prasoon Joshi.

No, seriously.

Update: For this also. Now I really want to know where he comes from - this cannot be a city-dweller speaking.

Update 2: No wonder. Almora, Rampur, Ghaziabad. :)

Update 3: Divya would kill to be the subject of Dil Gira Dafatan. Me, I'm not choosy. I'd kill to be the subject of Dil Gira Dafatan or Rehna Tu.

Update 4: Before anyone asks, no, I have no desire to be the subject of Masakali. It's a wonderful song, yes, but anyone who knows me also knows my great hatred for pigeons. You put Farhan Akhtar in a room, and a pigeon in its window, and I will run out. Screaming. Even if the window with said pigeon is 20 feet away from Absolutely Adorable Akhtar. Yes, I will. Kindly note the "Pigeons." in the description of this blog. (That little white line of words separated by periods on the blue bar above?)

January 19, 2009

January 03, 2009

In Which We (Temporarily) Say Goodbye

Right now, it's winter. (Bombay winter, so what? It's the winter I louwe.) It's Jan 3rd. It's a month since I posted, and it will (hopefully) be some more before I post again.

This is not a goodbye post. This is a come-back-when-I-come-back-or-I'll-kill-you post.

This was also a post that was supposed to be about most of this. But Peru is my blogger soul sister and beat me to it. :D

Having said that, we move to ordinary business.

Since every newspaper has a "Highlights of 2008" section, we have one too. Except that it's less serious and more audience-centric (meaning, these are the things you saw in 2008 too. Don't lie, most of you weren't following the economy or the politics in Bangladesh.)
1. Himess released yet another movie.
2. Deshdrohi happened.
3. Rakhi Sawant had only 1 item number.
4. Indian Idol, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Voice of India, Nach Baliye and about 6 other reality shows launched their 6th / 7th / 8th / 100th seasons.
5. Barack Obama became President of "the US of A". Much joy was had, principally because we have given up hope for our own politicians, so an intelligent, balanced man being voted to power anywhere makes us feel good - like Paradise still exists. Even if it's not here.
6. All Yash Raj films bombed. (Praise the Lord.)
7. Aamir Khan turned into a rhinoceros.
8. Bombay was under siege, and finally we all woke up and said (apparently), "Enough is enough." Newspapers overflowed with Special Features on what Riya Sen, Parmeshwar Godrej and Subi Samuel thought of the attack.
9. Omar Abdullah became CM of J&K. Go, Omar!

What We'd Like to See in 2009:
1. A Himess movie in which he romances Bappi Lahiri. Or Anu Malik, really, we're not choosy.
2. Deshdrohi in theatres in Bombay.
3. More Rakhi Sawant on TV, yelling about something or the other. C'mon. TV's not TV without her.
4. Something useful from Obama. (No, Barack, "Change" is too generic. We still love you, of course.)
5. More YRF films like Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic (I watched this on cable TV. And to those of you who haven't, I promise you, you don't know what you've missed. Your life won't be complete until you watch it.)
6. A normal-sized Aamir Khan. An SRK-like SRK, as opposed to a funny man in glasses. (I have this uncomfortable feeling when SRK actually acts. The kind of feeling I have when I manage to get a problem right, or when I pour milk from one place to another without spilling it, or when Shobhaa De talks sense.)
7. Less of Raj Thackeray. (Which shouldn't be so difficult considering the man has disappeared post-26/11.)
8. More of Abhay Deol.
9. More of Vikram Chandra on NDTV.
10. More of Sansani! (This is on Star News. Again, those who haven't seen, you don't know what you've missed.)

And the Utter Bullshit Award of the Year goes to... MTV. (I'm sorry, there's just too much here for it to not have its own section).

They started off with Roadies 5. That's fine. High drama, lots of swearing, mock fights, but that's the crap reality TV is made of anyway. We love it.

Somewhere in the middle, Splitsvilla and Teen Drama Queen happened. If you don't know what I'm talking about, thank your lucky stars because those were the most cringeworthy shows in recent times on TV. Worse than Big(g?) Boss, Indian Idol & Ekta Kapoor's shows put together.

You'd think they'd have got enough flak from the feminists (and just... humans) after these 2 shows. Apparently not.

They started GTalk. (This apparently stands for Girl Talk. The opening sequence has a bunch of female lips talking excitedly, and the sentence "Kitna mazaa aayega na?!" is enunciated in a way that you'd have thought possible only coming from the friend of the heroine in an 80's movie.)

The show revolved around 2 girls from the *hit MTV show Roadies* - no they didn't win, they were just too hot for the channel to let go of after the show - who set up house in Bombay and interview celebrities at home. It's supposed to be casual, what-girls-talk-about-at-slumber-parties kinda atmosphere.

Except that it's not. Ask me. What goes on at slumber parties is either too boring or too WTF (or too scandalous) to be on TV. They chose boring.

Their celebrities are usually fallen pop stars, starlets, and other VJs. The anchors are bored themselves. The script would put Suhel Seth (on coffee) to sleep.

Also, the whole authenticity thing? Kinda lacking. Because while I hate to break this to some of my readers, girls at home are usually wearing shirts 2 sizes too large, with their hair up in what can't even be a hairstyle, and mismatched shirts and shorts. In fact if they don't have oil in their hair, it's a blessing. They do not - with all due respect to MTV - prance around a bright yellow kitchen wearing bright yellow singlets and perfect navy shorts, with waist-length hair hanging loose.

Yes, I understand, no one wants to see VJs with their hair in a bun. I wouldn't be bringing up this if the rest of the show didn't piss me off so much. Not only is it empty-headed, it's also regressive, stereotypical and pathetic. What in heaven's name could be interesting about Girl 1 telling Girl 2, "I think you've lost a lot of weight..." and Girl 2 tittering and replying, "Yaaaa, but you know, I need to lose more yaaaa..." What, we're making a script out of lines overheard at a cafe now?

Anyway. Having ranted now, I will move on to other things.

I do believe the OOCBC is a success. Comments have risen considerably, and my writing has only deteriorated, so I think I can safely attribute it to OOCBC. Other members, pliss to be sharing feedbacks.

Postlets (as Jhayu calls them) could happen. Full-fledged posts you can expect when I'm back (yes, this is a marketing gimmick. So what?):
- 4 years in college, and 4 seasons of college fests
- The Random Nonsense in CA Class (and why I might just actually miss it!)
- Uday Chopra to Turn Director
- Vivaah - A Movie to Watch
- Renuka Chowdhury ko gussa kyon aata hai?
- Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Why I Hate Him
- Other random ramblings, rants, and some crap. (In short, this blog will be what it has always been for 2 years.)

To everyone... Till next time, then, be good. :)