March 25, 2009

You Must Be a Gujju If... (Non-Gujjus, please ignore)

- You have at least 1 relative in the stock market.

- You're never worried about what happens if you get stranded in Ghatkopar. All you'd have to do, you know, is walk across the road and find a relative. (Still easier, just shout, "Mama! Masi! Faiba! Kaka!" a couple of times. At least one is bound to be around.)

- You don't worry about being stranded in New Jersey. You've been told by everyone that the thing to do at such a time is to open the telephone directory, turn to "Shah" and call any number for help.

- You measure the success of a wedding by how many people praised the food.

- You believe Narendra Modi is the solution to everything. From your hair to the nation's defence.

- You understand that when someone says "Dhirajbhai no babo" or "Maniben ni baby", the "baba" and "baby" in question could be 40 years old.

- You either think the garba is the coolest thing ever, or you wonder why the whole world makes such a big deal out of it.

- No packing for any trip is complete without thepla.

- Winter = undhiyo.

- Summer = keri no ras.

- Monsoon = have su karvanoo?!

- You assume (in marital situations) that because Mara bhai na vevai ni dikri na sasu gave a recommendation, the person in question is virtue personified.

- You have no problems with love marriages. You just view them as a last resort, that's it.

- You may not donate anything to the orphanage down the road, but when there's a calamity in Gujarat, you send truckloads of money, food and amenities.

- You feel a slight sense of pride in Ketan Parekh, no matter how much you hide it.

- You think the G-U-J-J-U sequence in Kal Ho Na Ho was rather cool, actually.

- You're so attuned to smiling and laughing for no reason at any given social occasion, that funerals become odd for you. (Non-Gujju funerals, that is. At Gujju funerals, everyone has the same problem, so they understand.)

Updated: A few more:
- You know what "doodh cold drink" (pronounced doodh coal dreenk) is.

- Sunday mornings = Gathiya and jalebi. From Trupti, if you live in the suburbs.

- The road outside Borivali Station doesn't scare you to death.

(Check out comments section for more contributions. :D)

March 16, 2009

This is not a post


This is an update, to tell you that I'm trying (hard, very hard) to cut down on internet time.

*points forcefully with grim expression, like Sansani's anchor* Which means that you suffer.

I will try to follow a Sunday-ke-Sunday routine with the internet. Peru does it, and does it well, and I'm inspired.

I will comment on all your blogs, hopefully, next weekend.

I will check your emails, hopefully, next weekend.

I will reply to all your wall posts, hopefully, next weekend.

I will reply to all the notes, status messages, and every-other-piece-of-addictive-Facebook-crap, hopefully, next weekend.

Yes, I now may not reply to comments on my blog. Yes, I am trying hard not to blog at all. Yes, I'm advising you to not comment on this post because, really, there's nothing to comment about.

Until then, I leave you with a generic comment for all your blogs:
"Awesome post!! Brilliant work!!"

No, really, I do love all the blogs on my sidebar. :) May your tribe increase.


Oh, and the picture for the week:

Maybe this auto is jointly owned by SRK and Amitabh Bachchan?

March 01, 2009

I Don't Post So Often But...

...This astounds me. Highlight of the article:
Recently, the government also asked the education department to start distribution of uniforms to students of Std I to IV. The uniforms are for Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, Christian, Jain and Parsi students studying in government-approved all aided/non-aided primary schools.

Someone tell me it's a typo. Or a mistake. Or that the person who took the decision was stoned when he signed, but thankfully some babu (who miraculously happened to be around and not asleep) noticed and got it cancelled.

It's blindingly obvious to anyone who lives in Bombay or India that purely from an economic perspective, Parsis, Jains and Sikhs are much likelier to have the money (or their own charities to fund them) to buy uniforms as compared to Hindus.

Politically incorrect? How politically correct is what the State Government is doing? Screw politically correct, what about ethically correct?

What I really want to know is if they can come up with a reason for this. Help me out on this one. How do you justify this? Hindus are the majority, and we have budgetary constraints, so we'll just cover the minorities? Or the famous we-must-protect-our-minorities line? Or have reservations been extended to minorities sometime recently while the nation was sleeping?

No, I'm not a VHP person. I'm not even one of those people who shouts, "Hindus are the true minorities now!" from the rooftops, because I don't believe that. Yes, minorities have been discriminated against in the past. But we're talking uniforms and money here, aren't we? And anyone in this country will readily admit, poverty hits everyone. Except Shah Rukh Khan.

At times like these, you begin to wonder if there's really any difference. Which party is in power, who the CM is, who the Education Minister is, which idiots make up the Legislative Assembly. It's all the same dirty politics, isn't it? Religion-based bribes to the parents of little kids by scumbag politicians who wouldn't be doing this if they even understood what education means.