March 25, 2009

You Must Be a Gujju If... (Non-Gujjus, please ignore)

- You have at least 1 relative in the stock market.

- You're never worried about what happens if you get stranded in Ghatkopar. All you'd have to do, you know, is walk across the road and find a relative. (Still easier, just shout, "Mama! Masi! Faiba! Kaka!" a couple of times. At least one is bound to be around.)

- You don't worry about being stranded in New Jersey. You've been told by everyone that the thing to do at such a time is to open the telephone directory, turn to "Shah" and call any number for help.

- You measure the success of a wedding by how many people praised the food.

- You believe Narendra Modi is the solution to everything. From your hair to the nation's defence.

- You understand that when someone says "Dhirajbhai no babo" or "Maniben ni baby", the "baba" and "baby" in question could be 40 years old.

- You either think the garba is the coolest thing ever, or you wonder why the whole world makes such a big deal out of it.

- No packing for any trip is complete without thepla.

- Winter = undhiyo.

- Summer = keri no ras.

- Monsoon = have su karvanoo?!

- You assume (in marital situations) that because Mara bhai na vevai ni dikri na sasu gave a recommendation, the person in question is virtue personified.

- You have no problems with love marriages. You just view them as a last resort, that's it.

- You may not donate anything to the orphanage down the road, but when there's a calamity in Gujarat, you send truckloads of money, food and amenities.

- You feel a slight sense of pride in Ketan Parekh, no matter how much you hide it.

- You think the G-U-J-J-U sequence in Kal Ho Na Ho was rather cool, actually.

- You're so attuned to smiling and laughing for no reason at any given social occasion, that funerals become odd for you. (Non-Gujju funerals, that is. At Gujju funerals, everyone has the same problem, so they understand.)

Updated: A few more:
- You know what "doodh cold drink" (pronounced doodh coal dreenk) is.

- Sunday mornings = Gathiya and jalebi. From Trupti, if you live in the suburbs.

- The road outside Borivali Station doesn't scare you to death.

(Check out comments section for more contributions. :D)

100 comments:

Manasi Soni said...

Brilliant!
Simply brilliant!
You should take these breaks more often :D

Avinash said...

mudraben, kem chho? Tu bahu saaru likhe chhe! Lakhvaanu chalu rakh! Aavjo!

Shrey said...

A 'You know you are _____' post after long :D Bahu saras :) (Correct?) Its very funny..
G-U-J-J-U! :p

Chak de phatte!

Avantika A. said...

Hahahahahaha. I think u should continue adding to this list. There's definite scope here!!

Jhayu said...

I actually thought that G-U-J-J-U thing was pretty cool... =p

??! said...

stranded in Ghatkopar
....or Khar.


complete without thepla
That should have been methi na..., no?

Asterix said...

I went to the US Consulate recently with a friend and he told me that 70% of the names being called out were "Patel and family" :-)

Anyway, good to see that you have broken your no-blogging fast.

Where my chocolate?
Rahul

Abhishek said...

I am not gujju but read it.
Couldn't understand few terms but 'babo' was hillarious :)

spruhal said...

Hey nice one -

Lets see how much gujju I am

- Relative in the stock market (Y)
- Have never really figured out Ghatkopar (N)
- Havent been to Jersey (N/A)
- Food at Wedding is of Utmost Importance (May be even more than the person you're marrying) (Y)
- Narendra Modi is the solution to everything (Y)
- I know a 55 year old 'baby' (Y)
- I seriously wonder why people like garba so much (Y)
- No thepla for me (N)
- Winter (Y)
- Summer (Y)
- Monsoon (Y)
- Marital Recommendations (N)
- Love Marriage as last resort (N)
- Calamity in Gujarat (N)
- I AM RESPECT KETAN PAREKH'S CREATIVITY (Y)
- G-U-J-J-U sequence was pathetic (N)
- Smiling at social occassions (Y)

Lats see the score : Y = 10
N = 6
N/A = 1

I am 62.5% Gujju. Haha

PS - Please come up with more such stuff.

indiegurl said...

oohh! i know gujarati!! soo chhe saru chhe danda leke maroo chhe!!

am i cool or what. my expensive primary school education has just vindicated itself. yay bombay scottish. :D

that said, i am SO tempted to do a tamil version of this :)

Peru said...

Why why? Why must non-Gujjus ignore? :D

Thanks for all the dope. More insider information I'm getting!

Killer post :D

Mudra said...

@Manasi: You complimented the post and insulted the blogwriter. :P Shame on you.

@Avi: Ekdum majama! Your 2 years in NM really paid off, huh?

@Shrey: Correct. :D And thank you!

@Avantika: Yeah, I felt that too when I finished writing... There's more to Gujjus! Just added one. :D

@Jhayu: Then you're part-Gujju already!

@??!: Ah yes, Khar also. And no. Just on a technicality, if you're a Gujju Jain and it happens to be monsoon, Lilotri na khavaay.

@Asterix: Haha - yeah, been there! I died laughing. And chocolate? (*laughs* Another sucker.)

@Abhishek: Thanks!

@Spruhal: Good god. Someone's been studying something too much. I don't know what, but that analysis can't be the product of a non-studier. And more such stuff? God willing, shall happen. :D

@Indiegurl: Do it!! I'll have inspired someone in my lifetime to do something useful! :D Oh, and the su-chhe-saru-chhe thing? I'm surprised you're the only one who came up with that one. :D

Mudra said...

@Peru: Good heavens. Synchronicity in timings. Do you need more inside info? You could write the best Outsider's Perspective on Gujjus ever! :D

Peru said...

Oh & special mention - I still love the G-U-J-J-U sequence in KHNH! :D

Shrey said...

Oh and Gathiya and Jalebi for breakfast on IV's too, if your co-ordinator happens to be gujju! Lol.

araYan said...

@ indiegurl

u might like the madrasi verion on Aarabik's blog,
You Know You're a Madrasi When

Vidooshak said...

Bole toh "awesome"!

Nishit said...

That G-U-J-J-U was public embarrassment for me, when I was watching with non-gujju friends, so don't you DARE say that I think it's cool. and this in no way implies that I'm proud gujju.

ruSh.Me said...

Got here from India Uncut...LOL.. I studied in Gujarat and my boyfriend is an amdavadi!!!

I could definitely relate to you...!!

Ruchi said...

lol.. had an awesome time reading it... most of it is true!... except for that G.U.J.J.U AND KETAN PAREKH THING....

But you know wat there are such nuances of many other communities as well eg mallus can be found in Dubai etc etc ....

Akhil said...

You forgot Snakes and Saenweech? Terrific list nonetheless!

T-REX said...

one hell of a post...u deserve 10 nimboodas for it.

Arjun Swarup said...

Fantastic!

BTW, is it also true that Gujjus say "OFF ho gaye" when a person dies? I've heard it from friends... find it hard to believe!

mutantR said...

G-U-J-J-U from Kal Ho Na Ho seems cool because it shows others are jealous:)
One's jealousy is other's pride.

dev said...

This was hilarious - please keep more coming !

kautilya said...

being a semi-gujju, i cud totally relate :)
good one!

kautilya said...

Also, you are a Gujju, if you call, going to Borivali National Park, A PICNIC

Aditya said...

loved it!
fyi, your blog post got quoted by random friends of mine on twitter!

Aniruddha said...

ROFL...too good...

Even though I am not a GUJJU but have stayed with some for past 3 years so know what all you are talking about... :D

dev said...

Here is another one

* You call your Dad -> "Deddy" (a play on Sean 'Diddy' ?)

* Any weekend plan involves first finalizing where to eat.

Fat Gujju! said...

Good one.. Although how can u forget mentioning Dhokla?

mads said...

got here via india uncut.
m not a gujju but a great fan of this community.
they rock!
and the funeral bit is so true!
gujjus are real fun and know how to enjoy.

A Person from Porlock said...

Hahaaa! So true about the funeral thing!! Have experienced it a couple of times.. So difficult seeing so many people you know and (usually) like, and not being able to "Kemchho!" and crack
some inside joke and laugh unnecessarily loud like people usually do at inside jokes!!

Also agree that G-U-J-J-U is "pretty cool" and nothing can beat keri no ras in the summers..

May I suggest you make a Facebook group out of this? That will fill the gaping Gujju-group void currently felt on FB.

Nirav Thakker said...

u may be a Gujju if you can understand what a person meant by "faiba na mota baba ni saali ni dikri na repcetion ma jaavu che" relationships are never measured by how far or close you live, but by how well you know the person! :)

or as a matter of fact if you can survive everyday on a diet of "Ghaun na lot no seero ane papad" or if you can never imagine to have a year with out making "Chundo" or "Murabbo" :)

dakshesh said...

Just pefect characteristics!!!!

Parth Dave said...

This is terrific....amazing stuff. Being a Gujju, I simply enjoyed reading your post. Keep writing more stuff like this...

Mihir Shah said...

Hail Gujjus!
Loved the post ... so perfectly described . and really ... no trip is complete without theplu-chhundo and khakro-marchu :) terrific!
Jai-Shri-Krishna mudraben

Vaibhav said...

Half of your bags are packed with eatables while on a train journey and that aside you buy everything from the vendors selling eatables in the train.

crumpledpapers said...

hehe... I'm still ROFL-ing

very funny!

kaushal said...

whoa!!
whacky stuff absolutely..
Bahu mast che :)
Just chanced upon this blog from somewhere- and the narendra modi part is so true
Yesterday a friend of mine said- I'll vote for the BJP because NaMo(another Gujarati utterance :p)
will be contesting from Gandhinagar.
I said it's gonna be LK Advani, not Namo- and he gave me cold looks saying-
Toh pachi maare to vote nathi aapvo :p

Chintan Vinod Shinde said...

got here from India Uncut

For me Ketan Parekh ane babo baby took the cake... cant stop laughing

I guess Reliance has been replaced by Modi over time

Nirav Kanodra said...

My parents are both 58 and they are babo and baby in their respective households (My mum is Maniben ni baby)

varsad pade to bhajiya ane garam cha

And you forgot the greating

Kem Chhe? Majaa ma.

Vaibhav said...

Nice post, I can see the characteristics as I stay in Ghatkopar.
Few attributes from me are as below:-
1) Every gujju has to join a 'salsa' class.
2) Place where a gujju wants to die is US.
3) Thepla, khakra, Dabeli, dhokla etc are eaten more than normal food.
4) Every gujju buys stocks even before he starts going to school.
5) Every gujju is a miser by birth.

Disclaimer: There can be a few exceptions.

Mudra said...

@everyone: Thank you! Wow, this feels good. And all your contributions are so true! Was my turn to laugh like crazy. :D

@Shrey: Seriously?! On your IVs too? Wow!

@Arjun Swarup: Yes, we do. To put things in perspective, "Ena baa off thayi gaya."

@Dev: Yes! So true! The first question for everything is "Achha, jamvanu su karsoo?" :D

@Fat Gujju!: Ah, dhokla. True. Dhokla. Safed ke khaman? Sandwich dhokla. Ameeri khaman. Aama soda bahu vadhare chhe. Aa pocha nathi. Aama marchu ochhu chhe... Oh well. We're exacting about our dhokla but that's why we get it right! Haha.

@Person from Porlock: Thanks! And an FB group? Yeah actually makes sense. It'll be used even by non-Gujjus to find where to get the best veg food in their city, whether it's Bombay or Berlin!

Anonymous said...

The way gujjus greet each other in US: Eh Wassup ? ssssanti chhe......

Pratik Mehta said...

Very funny and Very well written.

Anonymous said...

good one !

Arpit said...

No words its awesome something different ever read by me

dishantparikh said...

hey its really nice one...

gauri said...

ROFL! Love it!

"Monsoon: Have su karvanu?" Hahahaha

g

jhankhana said...

completely suits the gujju profile :)

Anonymous said...

hilarious!!

udtahaathi said...

How come the ubiquitous 'Su Khabar' is missing ?

Cheers!
~uh~

Rakesh said...

he he, am not a gujju but surely am from Gujarat so except the relatives bit, completely agree
:-DDD

Hilaroius

RuLeS: To LiVe YoUr LiFe said...

You got the G U J J U totally wrong .... :)

But I laughed .. Thanks

Charles Frith said...

Further evidence that we are always looking for commonalities. I'm proud :)

Grizzle said...

Sad. It is horribly lame and the whole thing about love marriage is equally stupid. Jokes apart, what is this, some repackaging of gujju stereotypes?

Mudra said...

Ah well. I thought I was dreaming when a post got 57 comments without even 1 that spews hatred. Hey. 1 outta 57. My ratio's improved vastly! :D

@Grizzle: Repackaging? Not at all. I don't have that kinda originality. This is just all the stereotypes put together in one post.

AKP said...

This is my first visit to your blog and girl I am impressed. I liked your chocolates idea for comments.

After reading this post, I randomly browsed your posts, I liked them, especially your trials with poetry :D. Your idea poem seems like the exact opposite of what I think: At least 2 lines of any three lines picked should be rhyming :D.

Now please send me my chocolate!

GettingThereNow said...

LOVELY!! I am a gujju by marriage and identify with so many of these :D Do you mind if I link you up on my blog?

PS: Have sainth (60) thayi gaya. I like even numbers :D

lv u said...

Hi Guys,

I am also a Gujju staying in Delhi. I read this post and shared it with all my friends out here and we laughed a lot.

Grizzle:- A request:- we all respect our community so plz take it in a light mode and consider it a mode to laugh at our "not so usual" ways of reacting to things.

One addition from my side, if any of you are aware of, Gujjus have some gr8 disclaimers like "Taaru maaru haiyyaru anne maaru etlu maara baap nu."

Take care

Vinit said...

mudra... damn hot che... Aphter oll hole of Gujju gang Roks...!!

Grizzle said...

its not spewing hatred but more like "spend your space in better propagandas or entertainment devices" . Anyway best of luck with your POPULAR posting.

Princess said...

lolz..so cooolllllll :)

My mom today at 70yrs known as 'Baby' at her maternal & paternal side.

To add in Newjersey, also go thru Patel directory along with Shah's :P

Sunday morning is Gathia, Fafda, Jalebi ,chavanu & tea in circulation every week :P

thou i do none of the above mentioned, but i really laughed & liked the post.

Rock On
Netra

Anaggh Desai said...

Lovely! As a honorable gujju, I am warning you that I intend spreading this around thru all mara dost, kaka, mama, mami, kaki, dikri, sasro & what have you:)And it shall spread faster than any viral.

Trailblazer said...

Hilarious

Swati Dwivedi said...

Hi!

Read your blog as an interesting Tweet.. and found it hilarious!!!!

Real perfect description...:)

Rehab Chougle said...

Hi Dear!!!

Hall of Fame post! wonderful writing and yes dont keep ur readers waiting too long for your posts dear!
Just had to tweet it!

on Twitter--rgcpapillon :)

Kuldip Patel said...

Get a life man.

Each & every point is contradictory for me.

-Another Gujarati

Falgun Patel said...

- When every Married man is your "Kaka" and his wife is your "Masi" (Mostly applies to Neighbors)

cute n confused said...

wowie!! its nice, well written and funny...just came across ur blog by chance, and must say...ur good! :)

Urv said...

Hahaha :) I have been planning on a Gujju post too.. This one was hilarious.. Loved the babo baby one ;) :D

Piyush said...

Excellent post....funny at the same time true ;)

grishma said...

ha ha ha
hilarious!
:)

rahularora said...

another common word is jalsa....njoyment..

during my college days...my gujju frnd's english..

when he says 'tere pass celci hai' it means...he is asking for a calci..

when he had doubt regarding physics practs...the usual sentence was..'aae aa jo road che kayaan naaakwaanu' it means he is talking about the rod..

while going for a picni 'there would be enough arrangements of snakes for u' it mean...we hav snacks arranged..

lots to share...

sambhav said...

Hey Mudra...Nice post... I love stereotypes, they make my life easier ;)

Vaudevillian said...

heh. does that involve using gujju tongue and shooting random swears to drive away four confused mobile phone muggers off the bus? count me in.

Anonymous said...

Bindu :

Hilarious....! You really made me laugh! And it appears that your Gujarati has improved! I am going to take a test tomorrow! Keep writing as I always tell you. Aa ravivare gandhiya jalebi no nasto karvoche? Now I think you are incomplete Gujju without gandhiya jalebi.

sneha said...

something that really cracked up my non-gujju friends - the plural for photo is "phota"

meghna said...

Jay jay garvi Gujarat.... :) proud to be a Gujarati.... :)

Nitish said...

"You have no problems with love marriages. You just view them as a last resort, that's it."

Haha, my favourite.

Trademark Muddu blog :)

bhargavi said...

awesome...though a non-gujarati, i've lived in guj forever..n this post is more than perfect...
nice blog btw

Dishpa said...

Heheh...
Touched on all the right ones.
But Gujjus rock and Ghatkopar is a cool place to live in :)

Bhavik Gandhi said...

This post is so overwhelmingit almost made me cry. I am a gujju in new york and missing my country so much. This is a little thought of mine. Enjoy!
you are a gujju if ...

you get limbu pani(lemon water\sharbat) as welcome drink.

you know what rotli nu shaak(cham cham) tastes like

you can have khichu as dinner

you only had farsaan(anything except rotli daal bhat shaak) as dinner all your life

you have chikki on sankranti

you eat various paaks in winter

you know what is the meaning of phrase "Methipaak khavo"

you invest your extra money in stocks and hope that will make you rich

you can never find a good looking gujju girl in social functions and even if you do you cannot admit she is beautiful

you wonder when your elders eat paan and tambakhu(tobacco) so much

you renounce all the gujarati films

you have never heard of any gujarati writer except zaverchand meghani

you can always get into any of the wholesale markets especially diamond market if nothing works out.

you think and have been taught having your own business, no matter how small it is, is prestigious. (This is changing though)

I'll add more latter
Waiting for your comments

Crowscious said...

I love Gujjus. Especially the New Jersey kind. Sigh :)

Anaggh A. Desai said...

Hi,

Thanks to all the stereotypes put together by you in one post, there was a fair amount of conversation, bad, good on twitter.

My apologies if this has caused you anguish or inconvenience. But Keep it flowing.

All the best.

Curlyconman said...

WHOA!!! 87'th comment. :D
Oye celebrity blogger, all the best for exams, do well, don't fret, ICAI will pass you.
I'd have posted this on FB.But your wall is always invisible to me.Don't know, what's wrong.
Anyway, best of luck.
May you survive till 12'th june. :-)

As for the post, it's kickass. :D

Simply Ridiculous said...

You forgot one thing.. Gujju's pronounce 'hall' as 'hole' and 'Coke' as 'kok'... :) That's because I am a Gujju :)

Pratz said...

comment no. 89

Pratz said...

...and this is comment no. 90...yay :P...blog something ya....its being long...

Ankit Doshi said...

awesome post :)

you should put some gujju abuse too....

for e.g. " ghel ghagrinaa"

saav (the desis say it 'haav')ghogha jeo chhe"

hemal.. said...

hey....
absolutely.. hillllaaariouss..hahahaha..
and going on thru these posts.. just came across Nirav Thaker's.. post...
i guess u absolutely ri8...
newayss... had a gud time reading it...

Anonymous said...

really nice one yaar... :)

waise m marwari and not gujju but will agree with most of the things... :)

regards
http://allthecrap.wordpress.com/

Shaheen said...

Hahaha this is too cool! Gujjuness growns on you when you're in NM. So glad my sis(Azmeen) told me about your blog!

me:) said...

hahaha..thank u for this one...
i can add one more...

'if u read this stuff and suddenly feel proud'..u r definately a gujju:)

BeerBarrel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gilialcells said...

Gujaratis are decent, business-minded people; they have populated business world in all countries; they have a very decent culture. As a Punjabi, I am proud of India and Pakistan havin Gujaratis!!!!!

korak datta said...

As a outsider living in gujarat, have seen/heard it all - in your post and the comments.. hilarious...

Michaelwgfa said...

A 'You know you are _____' post after long :D Bahu saras :) (Correct?) Its very funny.. G-U-J-J-U! :p Chak de phatte!

Anonymous said...

Hey you forgot the ubitiquos -esh names for guys like kalpesh, dharmesh, rupesh, urmesh, etc.