1. If you can't cuss in Marathi, you should stand on the station and help people get onto the train that you want to get on.
2. The normal rules of civilisation (e.g. allow people to alight first and then get on) which you learnt on WR do not apply here. Whether you want to get on or get off, elbowing and pushing and screaming is the way to go.
3. Your shoulder bag is your weapon. Use it on people's faces.
4. Never, ever, let anyone go without a fight. Not only will you release your pent-up feelings, the others in the compartment will get some good old-fashioned masala entertainment. They can't turn their heads to look at you (because their necks are jammed between people's arms) but they will be able to hear "Maa-baap pe mat jaa!" and "Yedi" and so on. [Yes, Ladies dabba. Makes you wonder what happens in the general.]
5. If you're the kind who wonders why pedicures are important and why people can't take care of their own feet - travel on the Harbour line on a rainy day.
6. Don't count on anything. Trains may not stop where they are supposed to.
7. Use hair oil. It's the easiest way to express your hatred for womankind.
Among other news, I'm extremely gratified to find that Google searches for "ketan parekh birth chart" and "Jamvanu su chhe" have led people to this blog. I hope you are not disappointed. Aavjo...