September 05, 2009

Things Every Person Should Know About The Harbour Line

1. If you can't cuss in Marathi, you should stand on the station and help people get onto the train that you want to get on.

2. The normal rules of civilisation (e.g. allow people to alight first and then get on) which you learnt on WR do not apply here. Whether you want to get on or get off, elbowing and pushing and screaming is the way to go.

3. Your shoulder bag is your weapon. Use it on people's faces.

4. Never, ever, let anyone go without a fight. Not only will you release your pent-up feelings, the others in the compartment will get some good old-fashioned masala entertainment. They can't turn their heads to look at you (because their necks are jammed between people's arms) but they will be able to hear "Maa-baap pe mat jaa!" and "Yedi" and so on. [Yes, Ladies dabba. Makes you wonder what happens in the general.]

5. If you're the kind who wonders why pedicures are important and why people can't take care of their own feet - travel on the Harbour line on a rainy day.

6. Don't count on anything. Trains may not stop where they are supposed to.

7. Use hair oil. It's the easiest way to express your hatred for womankind.

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Among other news, I'm extremely gratified to find that Google searches for "ketan parekh birth chart" and "Jamvanu su chhe" have led people to this blog. I hope you are not disappointed. Aavjo...

14 comments:

Avantika A. said...

Lol. This actually could work as a Guide to Mumbai Local Trains for out of towners. I mean anyone not from Bombay is unable to appreciate the subtle, yet important differences b/w the WR and Harbour line!

arayans said...

did anyone notice how these rules apply equally well to:

[1] getting into some BEST buses in bombay. (route 33 comes to mind immediately)

[2] the queue outside any government-run facility

[3] the queue of politicians at all airports on the recent death of some arbit corrupt minister.. apparently, airline tickets are free, and since the whole nation mourns for the death of an andhra minister, all ministers want to come onto primetime news for free (and get to bunk the lok sabha for yet another day, if ever that was a new thing)

[4] the queue of reporters when a snake does not bite a cat in someone's house and then slithers off and falls into a 30 foot deep hole next to the house (and no one ever wonders why the hole was there in the first place) and heroic rescue efforts are launched to in-order to rescue it..

[5] outside any plastic surgeon's clinic in hollywood (need i explain?)

Keetarp Aidonak said...

I'd say, the scene where a woman argues with a man in the general compartment takes the cake. The nazaakat with which a seasoned arguer will handle the lady is worth appreciating...

ruSh.Me said...

Due to tiny height, I would just manage to stand below any tokari-wali auntie, and make my way inside/outside..!!

I remember, during my travels from Kandivli to Panvel (Yes, Train-hopping at WR, CR and Harbour), these rules apply everywhere..

Anonymous said...

Loved it and agree with everything you've written!

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

I don't understand 7. Could you please explain?

Mudra said...

@Karthik - Most Indian women fall within the same height range (5 feet to 5 feet 5 ninches). The crowd in a Harbour train means that you are, at any given point of time, standing with your nose 3 mm away from the back someone's head. "Someone" is usually wearing coconut hair oil.

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

LOL. Thanks :)

Jhayu said...

Use hair oil. It's the easiest way to express your hatred for womankind.

Brilliante! And unfortunately, true of general as well.

Harvey Palmer said...

You're such a delight Mudra. Keep it coming...!

Paritosh said...

Damn hilarious but true!! Now this is not the only case in India where the mighty get he seats. Even in the so called civilised software engg community, I see peoplpe pulling and pushing like hell to get into the buses.

Aditi Halan said...

=D

Pratz said...

:)

froodyford said...

normal rules of civilisation which you learn on WR? Really?