February 21, 2011

Dear Restaurants,

Please serve breakfast. Decent breakfast. Breakfast with filling portions for vegetarians. Vegetarians who might not be eating eggs.

Please don't mention on your menu that half a boiled tomato (by whatever fancy name) is part of a dish. In the good old days, people just accepted that it doesn't add value to the dish. Don't pretend it does.

Ditto cream, syrup, butter, jam, a small side salad, a slice of an apple, etc. Basically, if it's tasteless, tiny and usual, it is irrelevant. Yes. I-r-r-e-l-e-v-a-n-t.

Baked beans, when on toast, must be served before the toast has crumbled beneath their weight.

If you're serving baked beans, try to do something to them to convince me you didn't just open a can and empty it on my toast.

Don't rip me off for breakfast. I will hate you forever.

Don't rip me off for breakfast while serving me rubbish. I will come after you with a hammer.

Don't open at 10 a.m. If you want to, don't say you offer breakfast.

Leisurely service could be appreciated by people at candlelit dinners in pricey restaurants (if at all). This is breakfast. I'm hungry. Hurry up.

Don't have a special breakfast menu and an all-day menu which starts at 11 a.m. All day should mean all effin' day. Don't put the good stuff on the all-day menu and save the rubbish for the breakfast menu.

Yes, be snooty and call it continental breakfast. No, don't expect me to give you my life's savings for a bagel.

While we're at it, I don't want a fruit for breakfast. Or a muffin. It's breakfast. Gimme real food.

Places that would do well to take notice of this post: *cough* Salt Water Cafe *cough* Crepe Station *cough* Mondegar *cough* and many many more.

February 13, 2011

We Once Had A Maid

...who told me a crow was her husband. (She fed him with great devotion everyday.)

If this was a philosophical blog, I could talk about how all reality is only a perception, how human beings are complex creatures with bizarre beliefs, and so on.

This is not a philosophical blog.

I see no reason to continue polluting Twitter while ignoring the blog. The blog doesn't ask me to stop at 140 characters.

Hence, hah. I will microblog on a blog. Not a blue site with blue birds and too much blah-blah from journalists.