May 01, 2012

This is a postlet

You know how grownups write on Twitter and Facebook? It's all impeccable English, except that there are no full stops or commas. For example, "Hello saw your photos very nice how is your mother?"

My theory is that somehow social networking has taken them back to the telegram age. "Have you reached question mark Do cable back stop Love to everyone stop."

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One of these days I will put up a picture on Facebook that's captioned "Herbs and green tea steeped in mildly sweetened water, some Darjeeling tea added, with a dash of milk and ginger." And junta will ooh and aah about it.

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Which reminds me, I kinda miss the days when all restaurant menus read "Idli Sada dosa Masala dosa Rava masala dosa Mysore masala dosa Plain uttapam Masala uttapam Onion uttapam", and you'd order one and the waiter would shout it out to the kitchen and it'd be sitting in front of you in ten minutes. Because, really, one of the most tiresome things in life has now become reading descriptions like these:

Romanotomano ravioli with white fungus and Chardonnay
Whatthe?!-price-here
A classic dish - our own special home-made ravioli stuffed with minced wild mushrooms, spinach, sundried tomato and black peppers, in a rich sauce of tomato confit and emmenthal with a dash of white wine.

Classic Italian Burger
Seriously?  
Home-cooked patty stuffed with the goodness of vegetables and Italian basil, sage, parsley and seasoned with jalapeno granules, served between freshly baked sesame baker's bun with Italian mayonnaise and mustard, with potato wedges and our special coleslaw salad on the side.

Cream Cheese Bagel
It's unclassy to complain
House Favorite! Philadelphia cream cheese bagel served with salad, tomato rosti and mustard. We stumbled onto this recipe when we went travelling to some place that nobody gives a damn about and our customers are dying of hunger because our service is slow and we write long descriptions and the idiots actually read the whole thing hoping to find something useful in here.

What's better is, the staff at restaurants (or "servers" as they're now called) will recommend or diss dishes to you with no better explanation than "I like it" and "I don't like it." This I find extremely uncomfortable because:
1. I can't tell them "Er, yeah, that's not enough of a reason."
2. Most of them do this with the air of I'm-going-to-take-this-personally-if-you-go-against-my-recommendation.
3. And most important - it makes no sense! It's like someone selling you a movie ticket for Desi Boyz because they like it, when you wanted to watch Pyaar Impossible. [Yeah, at most restaurants, this comparison exemplifies the contrast between the food you want to order and the food your server recommends. At the end of the day, there's no difference, and both are almost certainly duds, but you're left with the feeling that the other one could've been better.]

5 comments:

Avantika A. said...

Hahahaha i remember tweeting about this ages ago - simply list out all the ingredients in what you just ate and you sound super fancy! I just had some multigrain bread lightly toasted with some cream cheese and cherry tomatoes, seasoned with salt, fresh basil and freshly ground pepper.

Sushant said...

Hahaha, I love this one! And the fact that my views have been voiced without any credit whatsoever as well.

Kappu said...

//It's like someone selling you a movie ticket for Desi Boyz because they like it, when you wanted to watch Pyaar Impossible. [Yeah, at most restaurants, this comparison exemplifies the contrast between the food you want to order and the food your server recommends. At the end of the day, there's no difference, and both are almost certainly duds, but you're left with the feeling that the other one could've been better.]//

Hahaha!! LOVE that! ;) Classic write up and what I really love about the post is it is just a matter of fact! What we binge on daily.

XYZ is at Somefreakingplace - with Do I care? ;)

Thanks for the post!

Kappu

Sloka Balasubramanyan said...

Still laughing!

LanternSaturdays said...

hahaha :) well written!